Casual Friday

Isn't this the greatest photo? I love it...so here are some details of our "Casual Friday"....

Larry was very hungry at dinnertime tonight. He wanted seconds and thirds of his favorite , what he calls "Soy sauce with rice".

Allie went grocery shopping with me this afternoon. At the checkout, she wanted some candy. I told her she'd already gotten some candy.

"Nuh-uh", she replied.

Yes, you did, Allie - you picked out a bag of Hershey Kisses to share with everyone.

"I mean I want DIFFERENT kind of candy!"

What kind of candy did you want then?

"I want candy to share with myself only!"

The most brief of other updates:

Caroline is playing tennis against her doubles partner for "placement" on varsity singles team.

Bethany can't find her shoes and wears horrid green flipflops everywhere.

Kate has a boyfriend named Eric.

Mari is still trying hard, but I've yet to "buy it". She still stays by me all the time.

Ryan sang in choir ensemble festival last weekend and is now bugging me to enroll him in a neighboring school that has a better choir.

Max is thoroughly enjoying his computer and video game priveleges, after 18+mos without!

Elena has been pleasant to be around lately.

Helen has been doing lots of voluntarily housecleaning; I think she's about to "blow" again.

Abigail saved money and bought a sweatshirt online; we were ALL glad it finally arrived today.

Steven is wayyyyy thought disordered. It makes me sad for him.

Rebecca bought highlights to put in her hair - Abby is doing that for her tonight.

Angelica helped me at the grocery store today. She worked very hard and I realized how delayed she really is.

Megan cuts up her shoes; I went ahead and bought new shoes again today, but not sure why.

Shawn is still majorly OCD in his bug obsession.

Nicole insists she can not sleep in anything but jeans.

Nikki wanders our tiny backyard for hours, still not finishing her job to "pick up any trash".

Sarah got her anxiety meds increased this week.

Vonetta was a huge help to me today at the grocery store; she's always a good helper.

Ashley's time with me at the store today also helped me to see how slow she is - we're not imagining it anymore.

Allie got some red high top sneakers to wear with her denim and red miniskirt - how cute will that be?!?

Larry got new spiderman shoes - no shocker there.

Finally, catching up on Wednesday - Skating "Birthday" Party

The kids went skating today.

We got a coupon for $75 off any birthday party package, so I went online and scoped those out.

After all, we do have plenty enough kids to qualify for group discounts - or in this case a "birthday party"'s worth.

Turned out we could treat the kids to a fun day with lots of extras for not all that much money.

But, it's not anyone's birthday.

The skating place required the name of a birthday kid for the party.

We went ahead and gave them Elena's name --

her birthday was back in February, but she did say at one time that she'd wanted to go skating... (the picture above is from her actual Feb birthday; my camera is broken, so no pictures of her "pretend birthday" skating party...)

Even though we'd explained this to all of our kids, they still had the most confused looks on their faces when the host brought out the birthday cake and ice cream and we asked the kids to sing! haha.

We might call the bowling alley and find out about birthday party packages. If the price is right, it can be Helen's birthday (hers is next up, not for a month)??

Tuesday 12:37pm

Here's a little synopsis of "what's going on this very minute at my house" - but from yesterday at 12:37pm......

Spring Break. Lots of kids home.

Steve is up at high school helping with choir class.

It's just after noon and I've already had a 2hr nap. I hate having chronic fatigue syndrome, but am trying to be more accepting.

Max is at the laundromat washing sleeping bags.

Helen just attacked Elena and I'm having a hard time figuring out why/what's going on. (Helen is working really hard lately - and Elena was giving her a lot of crap - I think more than Helen could take at the moment?)

Larry is cutting cocoa puffs with the nail file part of a nail clippers.

The dumb new dog won't quit peeing on the carpet and then whining when I put him out.

I'm getting together some writing assignments for the homeschool kids.

Some kids are downstairs playing guitar hero. Some kids are upstairs playing dance revolution. Some kids are in the kitchen making sandwiches for lunch.

Sarah has had a tough morning - whining, fighting with everyone, throwing things, yelling, kicking my door for 20 solid minutes, running outside, trying to hit people, etc. - but seems to be on the upswing now, calmly counting money from my Diet Coke piggy bank.

Now Larry is outside riding the dog. It is really VERY funny to watch. The dog is a puppy - only 16wks - and able to be ridden. Wonder how big it'll get when he's grown...

Monday Appointments and such

Monday was a long day in Tucson.

We were able to get a new full psychological evaluation for Shawn with his old psych doc. It cost us $180. I'm sure we could have gotten the state mental health insurance to pay for an evaluation - but with one of their doctors only. No thanks. We'll do this one ourselves. I'm not sure what she'll say in the end, but I do know that she does not agree with the state's plan at all (the one we are appealing).

Kept Shawn with us all day, which helped us to remember that he is a mentally ill child in need of constant 1-1 supervision. He also showed again the "creepy fly stuff". He catches flies and puts them on his finger and then walks around. The flies never fly away. They just stay there. In fact, he wanted one fly to get off of his finger and the fly refused. He kept shaking his hand (kind of like you'd expect if he were trying to "flick off a booger") - it still wouldn't move! I wondered if the fly were even capable of moving. Shawn had to take one finger and scrape the fly off of the finger on his other hand. Then the fly flew off just fine. It's really pretty creepy to watch.

By the way, the picture above is Vonetta, Sarah and Shawn taken at the courthouse last Monday.

Helen had therapy also. It went pretty well, but only in that she acted for the therapist the same way she acts for me lately, so I didn't feel "crazy" but rather had someone else thinking "Wow. Wonder what we should do next to best help this tricky little troubled girl." I wrote some about this on my other blog -- some little bit about Helen; mostly information about borderline personality disorder. But, you can go here to read some:

http://adoptive-parenting.adoptionblogs.com/weblogs/borderline-personality-disorder

http://adoptive-parenting.adoptionblogs.com/weblogs/borderline-personality-disorder-a-siblin

Fun picture of Larry with Uncle Wilson

Max has a new money making idea??

Megan and Steven and Angelica (and others) were outside. Steven and Angelica came in to report that Megan had scratched someone. I brought Megan in and told her that she would not be able to play outside anymore since she had scratched someone. Megan became upset and insisted she did not do it, at one point yelling "You are going to believe a 'retard' over me?!?"

HOLD UP, LITTLE MISSY!!!!!! She did get a tongue lashing for that - including a heavy reminder that, at this house, we are not "called" by our disability or problem -- we all have first names and they will be used.

After she was sent upstairs, Max opened his mouth. (When this happens, we all start shaking our heads in advance, knowing whatever comment he has could be a doozy...) Max says that maybe we *could* start being known by our disabilities. He proposes increasing our income by making name badges... You know, the kind that say "Hello, my name is _________ " -- but change them to read "Hello, my disability is _______"

It was funny. Several of us spent the next few minutes laughing at what some of the labels in our family might read. The few they came up with for me were particularly cute - and no, I choose not to share! ;-) Then we went back to the (relatively low level of) political correctness that is our routine. (As low as it is, missy above did make quite the violation...I'm still a little flustered.)

Bad mood

Elena is rarely in a bad mood - she has her moments, but rarely a full blown bad mood. And that is why I love this photo. I don't love that she is in a bad mood - but I love this perfect capturing of what it looks like.

(This photo is from a few weeks ago. Today, she happens to be in a fine mood - and her hair is looking mighty gorgeous, too, with braids and pretty curls that the sisters helped her fix up.)

More kid pictures

More kid pictures - these are the kids hanging around outside the courthouse on Monday, waiting for mom to get finished inside. The first picture even has Shawn - we don't always get to have him with us, so it's fun to have him in our pictures! (Appreciate these photos - my camera broke the same day - not sure when it will get fixed and I can get more photos up.)

Max

Max wants to know why there are so many slang words for the penis and for the vagina -- but none for the pancreas.

****Max brought his grades up!! In three weeks, he went from ALL F's to all passing grades!! He pulled one up to a B even. I knew he could do it - he is a SMART kid. I wish I could figure out what the motivator was.......tricky boy, he is.

Today is the first full day of his spring break. With passing grades, he has even earned the opportunity to play his beloved video games - for the first honest time in over a year! However, he has to finish his daily responsibilities first -- chore (he cleans one bathroom), bedroom, make sure you are ready for the day. It's 1:30 and he still hasn't done it....he is doing his routine walking around, forgetfulness, half-a**ed jobs.... I really think that compliance with adult requests is just something he isn't able to do.

Schizophrenia

For my other blog, I'm working on a series about parenting a child with schizophrenia.

In searching for graphics that would somehow help to illustrate "schizophrenia", I ran across this one. It made me laugh.

I'm sure some could be offended by it. Don't be. If you can't laugh a little about things in your life, it's a hard and dreary life. Instead, hoping this brings a smile to someone else. That, or I could just come here and read it when *I* needed a smile!

Check us out!

This is all of us (incuding 2 sons-in-law and 3 grandkids). It's a studio proof, so I can't get the funny marks off. Still, we look good, huh?? :-) It certainly is us in all of our Monday afternoon glory. If someone looks weird, it's probably because they ARE weird. Looks mad = is mad. Looks dumb = well, you get the idea......

I keep telling all the kids to check it out, I think I look hot. I think dad looks hot. Gosh, I think we ALL look hot! One of the girls starts singing the song, changing the words......."Don't you wish your family was hot like mine?...." Haha.....

Yay! Adoption Day!

As of 9:30 this morning, the Showell family has five more official members! Although they've lived as part of our family for almost exactly three years already, it was neat to finally be official and legal and know that these kiddos aren't going to be going anywhere "for real now".

They were so cute sitting at the bar before the judge. They were so shiny looking, all in pretty hair, white shirts and clean and happy faces. They each had the most huge grin as the judge asked them questions about being adopted. They'd nod, but not one of them offered any verbal answers. Even Larry nodded at everything, as if he fully understood what she was asking. I was mostly surprised that Allie didn't spout off on some long, tall tale -- she interrupts adults any chance she gets and starts in on her stories. It can be cute sometimes -- and still I was a bit glad that she decided not to start in during her adoption.

Showell Family with the adoption judge

We took this picture immediately following the adoption. Judge Wagener has helped our family several times in the past and we were happy to have her carry out this adoption. This is Dad & Mom and most of our kids....this is all at home, plus 3....still missing 3.

Some of the girls inside the courthouse, waiting for mom to get done talking

Larry, Max, and Uncle Wilson

Funny girl - set up in her own reality

I was talking to Steve about some of the frustrations of our girls who think they want to leave her, and how they don't really know what they dislike here nor what they hope for in a different environment. I guess Katie could overhear the conversation.

Katie piped in. 15, sitting at the dining table, eating "the expensive cookies" that Erica brought over. She says, mouth filled with cookie, "I'm not running away!! I have a roof and a shower and electricity and cookies. I'm staying!"

I laughed at her. With mouth still filled with cookie, she adds "I love you, mom."

So, it's not all bad around here! Not by a long shot.

She is back

She is home. For now, anyway. (This is not her picture from today, but from a couple of weeks ago -- one day when she was grounded to the dining room....see how happy I got her to pretend to be?? haha...)

When Steve woke me up to get ready for church this morning, I told him I wasn't going. "Why?" I really think that Mari is going to come back while we are gone - to get her stuff and leave, most likely.....but, in any case, I really felt like she would come during that church time. So, I was staying home to greet her.

And guess what? A friend's mom brought her home this afternoon. While everyone else was gone at church. Just like I'd thought.
(Don't start me on my frustration of other parents harboring runaway children - even if it was just since last night - don't move 'em in! Take 'em home!!)(Yeah, this is NOT our first runaway where other parents have been bigtime enablers -- and law breakers, in case that never occurred to them.)

I gave her a hug and told her I loved her.
After a couple of minutes of silence, I asked her if she would choose to be home right now if this friend's mother not brought her home. She said "No. Probably not."

She still maintains she doesn't want to be here. She needs a new family, she tells me.
That is one of the big ol' pitfalls of raising children who come from disrupted adoptions.
They have such a hard time understanding that you can't just go out and pick up a new family. Maybe what they've seen in their pasts is the families moving them around without thought, just randomly getting them a new family -- but few of the kids have really been privy to what goes on in making these painful choices....and in seeing how much love their truly is for them by all the families involved. But, especially for FAS kids, if they didn't see it, then it didn't happen. To Mari, new families are a dime a dozen -- because I can never, try as I might, get her to understand the truth of her story so far. (Oh yeah - the other part of my rant above - not only do these parents harbor the runaways, they offer them permanency in THEIR family! This friend's mother has told my daughter that she will try to adopt her. Huh?? Told her it isn't right for kids to grow up in group homes like ours here. Oh my gosh - have a visit here - we are not a group home! We are a family!!) Problem is, my kid doesn't so much get yet what a family IS. Therefore, she wants a new one.

Can you tell me what is so bad about this one? No, nothing really.
Oh.
So, what don't like about this family? It gets loud sometimes, sometimes the kids fight with each other and a couple of times lately, you yelled.

Are you serious, child? Do you think you won't get that with most families?? Unless you are an only child, I'm just not seeing it. I grew up one of three kids. Our house was MUCH more loud than this one. we fought with each other in ways that have left permanent scars and marks. And, I don't know if my mother had a regular voice at all - she was ALWAYS on yell. And you are upset because I yelled two times in the last few weeks??

To tell her there are no families that don't make noise, bicker and occasionally yell -- she refuses to accept that. She tells me that I do always lie to her about other things, so I'm lying about this also.

Sometimes teens do better with writing than talking, so we tried that a little later. One question I wrote for her was "What do you think a family IS?" Her response -- so very telling of where she's at on many levels of things -- "I think that I need a new family. I really want to be with my friends. I just want to try a different place. Really, family is nothing to me. I don't know what family is. I guess family is more friends for me."

Now, two more kids are waiting for me to talk to them so they can tell me they don't want to be here and they want a new family. Some big ol' Disneyland searching going on at my house lately, huh? Get bored of one family, trade in for another one....and hope for Disneyland?? (I'm sure there are more than two. But two have actually developed the cajones enough to come down, come right out and ask me for this discussion. I told them I am focused on the adoption hearing tomorrow for now -- but Tuesday, we can visit intently.)

I could ramble on forever.
I don't have all the answers - that's my biggest problem right now. I'm about to head off into some uncharted territory for me. Sure my other kids have wanted to move out, get a different family, etc. etc - but this level of stuff that this group of girls is throwing at me is new and strange - and not so comfortable. I've told some kids if they don't want to be here so much, then go -- and they ended up realizing that it turns out better to stay. The girls I have now will never realize that -- the brain ability that they have will not let them see it. If I tell them that, they WILL get up and leave -- but not understand why, nor that we remain their family when they are outside of our home, nor that they might be able to come back -- they're just gone. Once they walk out the door, it's over to them - forever. I can't do that. I'd love for it to be an effective teaching tool. But, I'm raising teenagers, doing some normal teen growing, without the teen brain or any wisdom of age to support it.
Where do these girls think they will go? With their backgrounds, their issues, their diagnoses, their history, the fact that they don't apologize one whit for what they've done to families they've left in their wake all along. Oh yeah, and none of them want to be here in America and none of them have plans AT ALL to accept a family as "their family". They have one birth family member each and that is all they need. The only other thing they want now is a place to let them do what they want with as few manners as it has to take. They are older teenage girls with some big problems. *I* adore these girls, so of course, I want them. But, even I am getting a little sick of running a hotel. That seems all they want sometimes. They don't want a family, they don't want rules, they want to return to their country, they want to be left alone, they don't want to have to do anything they don't want to do. With food and a shower. OK, that's a hotel, right?!?

I don't want to be a hotel. We are a family. I just hope that these girls somehow figure ut that we are THEIR family (at least legally)......and someday learn to accept as as THEIR family (emotionally). In the meantime, I think my "turndown service" is about over.......

Another school suspension....some dog....missing my girlie

Steven was suspended yesterday for fighting. He does not feel bad at all. He seems to have a distorted memory already of what happened/how it happened. We had him sit at the table all day, since he was not in classes. He was allowed to read or write or draw or do word puzzles. Otherwise, he needed to stay at the table unless he'd asked for/received permission to get up. (We were in the room with him nearly all of the day, doing one thing or another.) This kind of limitation placed on him, both physically and mentally, seems to be very grounding for him. When we do this for him, he seems to settle and become quite calm. When he's allowed more freedoms, I think he may be aware enough of his thought disorder that this scares him -- perhaps even causing him to act out, seeking the comfortable confines he's then given...

Steve (dad, not kid) bought a new dog yesterday. I hate having animals. But, it's not a dog for me. It's a puppy - but it's a big puppy! I was picturing him bringing home something that the kids could hold and cuddle with. Instead, it's a 30+lb puppy - some sort of labrador mix. He's well behaved and good with the kids, so far. Not as hypoallergenic as Steve had hoped, after doing research on types of dogs that were. So this one will be an outside dog and hopefully Steve, Sarah and Mari will have cooperative allergy issues (Steve and Sarah have severe allergies/asthma...Mari's can be pretty awful sometimes as well.) The dog has no name, unless you are listening to one daughter who has named him "Balsac" (yes, it's intention is to be as it sounds, not so much as it's spelled). For any who've followed our family's animal naming challenges, this name will not shock nor surprise. Who knows if the dog will actually get another, more socially acceptable name.

And our runaway girl is still gone. I miss her! I worry much about her. I hope she knows how much I love her. And I pray for her safety and that God watches over this girl...

Update

My girl who ran away is still gone.

I pray that she is safe and that her brain is able to process well enough to allow her to make safe choices.

Rough couple of days

We have one daughter who is intent on letting us know how much she doesn't want to be here (just as she didn't want to be in her last home/family) and hates being in America.

She's been working EXTRA hard lately on a couple of the other girls, trying to convince them that they feel the same way she does...in the last couple of days (we have an adoption finalization coming up Monday - trigger?) she has pulled out all the stops. It's vicious around here.

In our house, the "I HATE IT HERE" comments are coming from all sides it seems, full force. Some of the girls are absolutely struggling and making related poor judgement calls. Not terribly surprisingly, not one is able to verbalize even one thing about "here" that they hate so much.

My head swirls from the pressures and trying to work with each one on their own level and issues, especially with the ones that don't seem to want to be worked with. (Not to mention that Sarah decided to throw a fantastic 3hr rage fit this evening....and dad was at school and missed it all....he was sad about that. Haha.)

One sensitive girl whose brain doesn't seem to work "right" most of the time can, in particular, use your prayers this evening. If you have extras after that, I'm sure the others can as well. (And, the cute little instigator can use some long term power prayers, too.)

Our "Baby" is Four!

I mentioned Allie's birthday a few days ago....well, Larry's birthday was five days before that. He really looked forward to his birthday this year and had a great day. He told EVERYONE we met that it was his birthday. In the grocery store, he was sitting in the cart and I was focused on shelf items - he kept repeating to a lady next to us "It's my birthday - it's my birthday - it's my birthday", without even a pause between phrasees. When I finally noticed, I said to him "Yes, it's your birthday - but maybe you can say it just once every time we stop?" The lady he was targetting laughed and said she hadn't even paid attention - said it sounded like he was singing a song and probably not his birthday - she did wish him a happy day, though.

He got a spiderman scooter - he LOVES it and is amazingly talented - on the first day, he mastered wheelies and one legged scootering, rounding corners with ease and "charging". He got a Leapster toy to share with sister - pink because, as Larry tells us, "pink is for boys!". Also, a shovel and pail. In true boy fashion, he hooks the pail over the handlebar of his scooter and uses it to "collect weapons".......

And, so, the baby of our family turns four. Parenting preschoolers has gone by so quickly - only 13 or so years...Twenty-six kids down the road...and the baby is four..... I feel old and young all at the same time.

Ice Skating

Katie's birthday was on New Year's Eve. She wanted to go ice skating. FINALLY, the older girls went ice skating this afternoon...during their spring break. We may not be timely, but we do still have fun!

Knees

I went to the orthopedic surgeon for my knee today. It was the most useless appointment. I let him know that the pain is worse. I went to physical therapy for several weeks and there is no improvement. I can no longer get into the van to drive the kids places. I can't sleep well - if my knee moves from a 45 degree angle, I'm in so much pain! He said he wants an MRI - duh, did that at my last doctor. He said he'll look at it again. He doesn't want to "throw meds or shots at it" (I hadn't asked anyway - but what option was he providing? Nothing.) So - we do nothing whatsoever now and I go back in 4 weeks. If my knee didn't hurt so much 24 actual hours per day, I might have found the whole dumb appointment funny.

Caroline also had a knee appointment with a different orthopedic surgeon. He can't really isolate what's up with her knee either. He ordered an MRI and she'll go back and see if he can find anything. She tends to minimize her pain because she wants so much to participate in sports - she worries if she lets on how much it hurts, she won't be allowed to play. So, she plays. Then she comes home and cries because of the pain, hoping an ice bag will help a little.....

So, two knee appointments. No answers. Two new knee appointments made.

Guess what? I'm amazing.

"Is it me, or is everyone in this house psychotic?" - Abigail

"Are you just trying to piss me off?!? Take off that picture of me!" - also Abigail, pictured above with beloved baby sis, Nicole.

Sarah had a HORRIBLE evening. Really stressed out the family, as a group.

We had a family meeting about everyone wearing their own underwear. When it was over, I realized that Ryan was using his camera to videotape it all. (Everyone wears their own underwear. Family rule. Would you wipe your rear with someone else's toilet paper? NO! It's similar when you wear someone else's underwear. So, stop doing it! Take the time to find your own pair. If you don't have enough, let me know and we will buy some! But, from now on, you get in trouble for wearing someone else's chonies!). OK - aside from the fact that is absolutely one of those "I never thought I'd need to have this discussion" discussions - I'm happy to have it now preserved on film. Haha.

Larry complains that Steven hit him with his ball, really hard, and he doesn't want Steven to do it again. Steven denies it. (It's a balloon that wasn't supposed to be up there anyway.)

Sarah just ran down with Becca's makeup case. Becca came after her. They ran around the dining room playing chase, more or less. I settled it and sent them both to bed. (Told Becca to go to bed; she will get her makeup case. Told Sarah that she will have Becca's makeup in her room, in exactly the way she found it, before Becca wakes up - or I will kill her. I'm not sure how convincing I was, but she did go upstairs?)

Max: "Mom, do you know I don't know hardly any nursery rhymes." (Wanting me to hear the implication that he'd missed out on a developmental necessity). "So...can I have some ice cream then??" (Yep, that's my Max....working hard to do nothing to get his ice cream! He DID make me laugh. He did NOT get ice cream. Maybe I SHOULD have offered to teach a nursery rhyme?)

Three kids found the helium tank from the birthday balloons and amused themselves for a couple of minutes while I kept telling them to put it away.

Caroline had a tough day also - more pervasive, unexplained moodiness. Helen's really low the last few days - there was a funny but embarassing moment a few days ago - I can't think that it would be the cause of her flat mood, but can't think of anything else either. Helen is also very private and was clearly displeased at the underwear discussion we had in our family meeting.

Bethany had a HUGE blowout earlier today - bigtime, reminiscent of her very early months here. Hopefully, it's isolated - but we shall see.

Max has bad gas. He says he wants ice cream, just one bowl is all he asks. He keeps going out the back door to fart and thinks himself hilarious. Abigail is holding the door shut so he can't get back in. Eventually she's going to have to let him in, I told her. If she won't, I will send her to sleep outside. In the front yard. We laugh - our front yard is about the size of her. I tell her I will get her a soft sleeping bag to use on the gravel. Max reminds her of a Phoenix serial rapist. She tells him to stop it, that it scares her to think of it. Max shrugs and says "Well, life is scary." Then he asks me for ice cream. (This time I did not respond. I'm getting good. I already answered that one. Since he is neither deaf nor retarded, he does not require the answer to be repeated.)

Ashley won't quit sneaking out of her bedroom to play jumprope. She can't figure out that when she jumps upstairs, we can hear it downstairs.

Abigail says "Mom, you are amazing. How do you deal with all of these kids?!?"

Well, dang, sweetie - if y'all weren't just so darned cute! ;-)

(I haven't pressed the send button yet. Max has asked twice for some ice cream. Or some chips and salsa. He's even promised to smile in the upcoming family pictures for it. I tell him - again - to go to bed. Obviously, I have not learned well enough not to repeat myself to him? He gets up to get his night meds - announcing that he is trying to work on his homework and improve his education - and wants to know how do I sleep nights, knowing that I'm holding him back. He walks back over here to find out if he can have some ice cream. I really might have to explore having Max sleep in the yard....)

Sweet faces, bitter words

See this cute little face? (Allie's, not mine - although we can discuss my inherent beauty on a different day.) She walked up to me, shortly before this photo was taken, and tattled. "Mom, Nikki is a bitch." Huh?!

One of the other girls asked her where she heard that word. "It's mine!" she insisted. I told her it's not a nice word to use. "But, mom, I said it just now and I AM NICE." Yes, you are...but that word is still a mean word....please don't use it anymore. "Okay," she agrees and off she goes to play some more. Probably with Nikki, even.

Uggh. Sometimes raising little kids around bigger kids gives me fun little surprises like our new "Princess Potty Mouth" (a title previously given only to miss Sarah).

Even so, the benefits are pretty cool, too. My little kids couldn't possibly be more loved by more people every day - lots of big brothers and sisters who honestly think that their tiny little hands hung they moon. They learn, they grow, they thrive. And, if I can ignore the "b word" here and there, it's a great thing to be a part of.

Cool cakes

#1. I did not realize how icky my pans look until just now. I promise that they are clean and they look at least a little better in real life?

#2. Check us out! We made cool cakes!! We are amazing.

#3. Family Fun picture copied - but we followed the picture and made some neat looking cakes, huh?

Birthday of a Princess!

Cute birthday girl! Allie is five today. She's been so excited about this, but mom can see how much she's growing up, even in the way that she's expressed her excitement. The little girl that had no words at two years old - that we worried about her verbal development! ha! - calmly expresses in several sentences at a time EXACTLY how things are going to be. "We will celebrate my birthday on Monday. First, I go to school and tell my friends that it's my birthday. While I'm gone, you make my cake, OK? When I get home, everyone can sing for me." And, because we call her "Princess" and she actually does seem to get her way much of the time, that's a pretty accurate description of how the day went for her! (I think the only difference was in her timing of cake decorating. We actually didn't get it done until after she was home - the picture above is of her helping us get it finished up!)

Gifts this year (not so you will know as much as so that I can copy this and put it in her journal!): big Princess blanket, doll, keyboard with microphone and set of little Dora toys. She also got jewelry and a cool art kit from Grandma Lynda who visited us Saturday.

Vacuuming - Helpful or Just Odd?

Larry is such a wierdo.

He went to bed last night. A while later, he walked back down the stairs, plugged in a vacuum and started vacuuming.

I got his attention and asked him what he was doing. "I HAVE to vacuum, mom! I do!"

Do I make him go to bed?!? Or let him vacuum in peace?!?

For over two solid hours, he vacuumed. He finished the main living areas. He used the attachments and did the couches. He hit the dining room pretty well. Then he asked if he could do my room. Go for it, little man. (Okay, it wasn't perfect. That only means he needs more practice, right?)

Then it was time for us to go to bed, so we cut his vacuum party short. I can hope for it to resume this eveinng? Or maybe give him some windex and newspaper and teach him to do windows?

Other stuff - Highlight #2

Another very long "extra fun highlight" to our mostly mellow day......

2) Steven (13) got suspended from school for flipping off another boy in his classroom. His teacher witnessed the entire incident.

Most notable in this charming incident: evidence of Steven's psychosis.

While he seems to be doing fairly well, medication-wise, over the last several days, we do not escape the fact that he has paranoid schizophrenia. In the poor kid's head, he honestly thinks that the world is out to get him. He is certain that this boy tried to hit him, egged him on, pushed him - all immediately preceeding Steven's response of flipping him off.

However, the teacher watched Steven as he left her desk to return to his own. She mentioned that something didn't seem right, so she watched him carefully. She says that none of the above happened, that this boy did not antagonize Steven in any way at that point.

Rather what happened is that Steven, at reaching this other boy's desk, very slowly and theatrically crouched down and moved all the way around three sides of the boy's desk so that Steven's back was to the teacher's desk (sorta; at least Steven thought so). Then, he put one arm up as a sort of shield - using the other arm to flip the boy off repeatedly, sort of popping up and down from the "arm shield"? Hard to describe. Hysterical to watch my husband try to reenact this after the meeting with teacher.

Now, Steven claims to have no knowledge of performing such an activity earlier this day. He says it did not happen. He acts like I'm performing grave acts of child abuse for even suggesting it. It's SO hard to tell when this is and isn't "real" for him - feigning ignorance and then being overly wronged by a consequence. I'm certain I do not always make the wrong call.

For tonight, though, I did keep him home from church youth group (even though dad accompanies him) to teach a tiny lesson. I told him that, since he can't remember all of the times that he flips someone off, then it's really hard to be able to trust that it won't happen while he's at church. He'd best stay home with me then. (Wait. Then does this imply that myself and the 7 kids under 12 at home DO like being flipped off??)

.......................He went to get a pickle out for Larry. He dropped the gallon pickle jar (glass) and it shattered. No problem. You don't get in trouble here for breaking stuff, never have. Just clean it up. Well, first, Steven startles like he was expecting some seriously painful physical response from someone - then he freezes in that response, both emotionally and physically. Was the strangest thing really. I startled him out of the freeze mode, but he remained physically incapable of doing anything. He just stared at the mess with his hands on his face. I kindly told him it would need to be cleaned up, but that he could ask anyone for help. He did nothing. Mari went to get some towels and then started picking up some glass. Steven moved in AMAZINGLY slow motion for about 15 minutes. It's hard to describe. But, this is really the stuff that strange movies are made of, stuff like how this happened at our house tonight.

.......................Conversation of 5 minutes ago (remember that Steven is 13 - his "regular memory" recall is just fine; with thought disorder, it gets twisted):

Steven: Mom, when can I get my tape player back?
Mom: "Do I have your tape player?" (I can only remember a player he had 5yrs ago)
Steven: Yes.
Mom: "Where do I have it?" (I really don't remember this)
Steven: "In your dresser. It could be in dad's dresser."
Mom: "When did you see the tape player in one of our dressers?" (STILL not remembering)
Steven: Maybe three or four years ago. (we've lived here 2yrs)
Mom: "Was it while we were in THIS house?"
Steven: Yeah. Remember you took it away from me because it was so loud that it was keeping you awake? (Huh?? He had headphones - the only way to hear from this recorder.)
Mom: "I'm not really remembering this."
Steven: Yeah, it's because it was a whole year ago.
Mom: "How long did I say I was going to keep it before I'd give it back?"
Steven: You dind't say.
Mom: "And where did you say you've seen it?"
Steven: I saw it. I saw it where the window is, by the floor. If you go in that one room, you go straight to the TV and it's right there, on the left. If the window is open, you can see the blue part. It's on the floor by that. (First of all, HUH?!?! Secondly, didn't he say DRAWERS?)

Almost bedtime around here.
It smells like pickles, though.

Some other stuff - Highlight #1

It was a mostly mellow day today. At our house, that includes a lot that isn't worth mentioning. But, here are some "highlights"....

1) Mari is still working on some tight mother-attachment work. That means she is with me ALL the time. We don't do a lot of talking right now. But, Mari still likes to write me letters, as always. The thing is, her letters would drive Mother Teresa up the wall! (Refresher: She recently earned SIXTY additional days of grounding, on top of what would have been over March 9th. Grounding means you don't go out... Her issue with the MP3 player was totally separate.)

"Dear Mom,
I was wondering if I could have my MP3 player back. What I'm asking is do I have to wait for 60 more days or can I have it right now? You're probably going to say no, but I wanted to ask. Even though... Because Helen has hers back. Or can I not listen to music? Or do I just stay at the table? My grounding is done March 8. Please write back. P.S. Is it possible to hate someone forever?"

This is such a minor example. But you have to know that there is such innocence behind these notes. Yes, she knows the answers. But, her brain does NOT make all of the connections. So, every time I remind her of something negative - even though she should already know since it's the same day after day - it's like "re-punishing" her all over again.

I've GOT to find ways to get a grasp on her amazingly disjointed brain patterns!

I just reminded her that she does NOT have to keep sitting at this same spot at the table. She IS allowed to do other things around here. Her response "Oh, that's okay. I like here just fine." Is she gonna sit there for 60+ more days?!?!

Check this out!! A SMILE!!!!!!!!!

This is a photo of Helen, taken way back at Christmas time when we were surrounded by all sorts of house guests. Even so, it's so rare that we get an honest smiling photo of her that I wanted to share it! (One of the house guests must have caught it using my camera! I just found it myself!)

Helen is doing fairly well lately. Although she is still VERY clear that we are not her real family and that she would rather be in Ethiopia, we accept those feelings of hers (we're not under the illusion that I am actually an Ethiopian birth mom in my alternate life) and ask only that she be reasonable to live with while she waits for the magical time that she will be old enough to escape the atrocity that is the United States. While she is very pleasant and humorous with me personally, if I remind her of my name/title (mom) either by word or action, that amiability is cut short so quickly, I don't have a clue what happened! We have some amazingly fine examples of passive aggressive behaviors surrounding homework and interactions with the other kids. However, no major explosions to speak of......and a somewhat lazy, yet mildly participatory, reaction to therapy.

She's a pretty neat kid. Her wit and humor is appreciated. And check out this smile? Isn't she beautiful?

Different Strokes for Different Folks??

This is the somewhat short story of two girls who, on Friday, were in public high school.

One has been having atrocious behavior problems since her return to PS this year, after homeschooling for a while. We've never had such problems with her, not since she came to us, even after 2 disrupted adoptions. She had some issues, but nothing like these last 8 months!! The problems have been escalating, cumulating in an amazing display of nearly "human pyrotechnics" this evening when given one itty-bitty consequence for what really is a pretty big poor-behavior-choice on her part.

We finally decided that now was the time for her to return home for homeschool and also to work on behaviors and attachment/bonding stuff with mom. We'd been considering this all along, but felt that now was the right time.

The second girl asked what was going on and I told her a little, including the new choice for homeschooling girl #1. Second girl gets really bothered and blurts out "Why can't I get in trouble?? You never let me get in trouble! If you really cared, you'd give me consequences and I could mess up and then I could get homescoholed!" (Noooo.......for this girl, and for a lot of reasons that she agrees with when not upset, public school is a good option for her.)

Nonetheless, their responses leave me shaking my head. Here I am telling you all about it while the girls sit on opposite sides of the room, both in tears over it. Can't win for losing some days.......

Special Olympics was today!

Angelica had two races in the special olympics today!

In the 100 meter race, she was the winner and got a gold medal!

In the 200 meter race, her family cheered her on loudly.
I think they cheered her on too loudly.
She turned to look at them when they were cheering and tripped a little.
But, still, she came in second and got a silver medal.

And, she gets to race in the upcoming state special olympics!