"We May Not Have It All Together, But Together We Have It All"

Update Time

2011-10-28T15:20:00.002-07:00

Well, I'm sitting in a McDonald's waiting on a girl to get out of class....and on enough pain meds to get me loopy and keep from driving to somewhere else. What better time for a brief blog update??! lol.... I'll try to just do child by child, short updates - that way doesn't risk other kids getting upset for being shut out!

Here goes:
Laura: don't hear from her
Heather: lives across Phoenix from us with Marcus and her 4 kiddos, but that doesn't mean we get to see them than we did when they lived closer! :-) She seems truly happy though.
Erica: don't hear from her either. I don't think she's doing medically well at all, but I can't say anything at all for sure.

Next Group:
Angelique and girls hanging out at my house for a little while. She loves her job; the girls are learning and funny,.
Caroline: became a citizen today!!!! (Which is dumb - law says she already is one, but to prepare to leave the country on a mission, $600 worth of blah was also required.) Working full time, preparing to go on a mission, lives with family.
Vito: have not heard from him since last Spring.
Bethany: lives across town. Her dad attempted to move in to rent share, but that didn't work out for thenm.
Katie: Katie got married over the summer; still working; her son just turned TWO!!
Ryan: Still plugging away at work and University. This semester he scored a position as an RA (or CA they have here)-seems to like it.
Mari: Honestly, I don't well understand what it is Mari does. So I try just a lot of love and supportP :-)
Max: Maxi is back from the national guard, but still active. Last I heard also working another job and having a girlfriend??? I can confirm none of it - I can confirm that the child still has a wicked nasty mouth to his mom...and so we don't talk to each much.
Elena: Lives semi-nearby. Just found out she's having a second baby. Seems happy about that.
Helen - spent a month this summer in Ethiopia - totally arranged/funded by herself, a learning experience. I was thrilled for her.
Abigail: 29wks pregnant with baby Ava. A lot of harsh issues happened earlier this year and she is maknig legal restitution for them now. She also was adopted by me earlier this year, so her last name and mine are different than the rest of her family. And her birth name reverted to her birthmom's name. Excitedly awaiting little Ava!!

Last group:
Steven: now 18yrs old, aged out at group home. Still doesn't seem to "get it". I can only hope for the best.
Rebecca: switched schools, loves this one, is in choir. Also performing now in a communiity theater group.
Angelica: will be graduating in a few months!! I'm nervous I won't be able to get her what she needs!!!!
Megan: she recently met 2 birth brothers from her very firsts adoption - just about to take a trip to see them all again. She's super excited!
Nicole: trying tennis because "if you such, they don't kick you off the team"....hmmm, good to consider.
Dominique: in trouble a lot folowing big sis oppositional behavior, but still loves to hug, touch, and spit
Sarah: 2 "student of the month" awards in her first few months back in public school! nice.
Vonetta: my favorite (same priveleges, consequences, more responsibilities - is "favrote" worth being? lol)
Ashley: honor roll!
Allie: alwayss trying to please still, loves activity days
Larry: loves bmx racing, swimming, ice hockey, and socerr. LOVES LOVES LOVES them.

Mom
I just had a hysterectomy.
I kept checking boxes that I was ok realizing this would prevent me from having more children. Am I okay with that? HECK YEAH!!! Working on recovery - most kids were really helpful...

Granddaughters and an independent move

2011-04-07T12:37:00.004-07:00

Miss Memuna is 16mos old already! I don't even have words to express how much I love this little one. I haven't seen her for 2.5mos - my heart longs to see her. For now, I'm grateful to get this picture from her momma today. :-) Being a grandma is still awesome. WAY more awesome than being a "regular mom", lol. This week, I have miss Hannah with me. She turned 4 yesterday, refuses to pose for a picture for me today unless it can be of her fake puking, and is so so funny! Heather and the kids are moving up to Phoenix for good next week. But, this week, she already has a job up here and no daycare lined up yet - so Hannah gets to hang out with me. Fun. (I'm also glad when the kids get home from school and are willing to play more games with her and take her swimming. Have I mentioned how much I love having our own pool now?!?)

Since the last blog post, Abigail has moved out into her own apartment. It's 5 miles from us, which is nice. She's very ready for her own space - and it's close enough to have the best of both worlds really. Plus, she's still working here, helping with Nikki in the afternoons...location works out super great then. That said,....well, how should I put this....I'm her mom and so I worry, and I hope for the best for her, good choices and a successful start at independence. (Nicely put, if I do say so myself..lol)

And life moves on...I can't believe the school year for the kids only has 6 weeks left!!

More Birthdays

2011-03-13T10:34:00.003-07:00

2 Birthday Cakes - For six days, they are both the same age. But, yesterday, Allie turned 9...and Larry stayed 8. :-) A birthday cake for each of them...
Larry with Grandma Carolyn... I LOVE this picture of them! It was so nice for them to come up from Tucson to spend the kids' special day with them.
Erica and Wilson come down from Winslow for the baptisms and birthdays. They brought Larry a birthday gift...can you tell he LOVES Legos?

Getting ready for the baptism

2011-03-12T22:11:00.002-07:00

All dressed up, looking great and excited for their baptisms!

Baptism Day

2011-03-12T21:50:00.002-07:00

My three youngest got baptized today! Their dad baptized them. Lots of family came to support them, including many of the siblings, my mom, niece, nephew and Steve's parents. Very nice day.

Anything Goes

2011-03-11T12:26:00.002-07:00

Rebecca finishes up her last performance tonight of her high school play, Anything Goes. I worried when she switched schools mid-semester this semester....and I still love what the performing arts high school was able to offer, both academically and arts-wise....but Rebecca jumped RIGHT in to drama at this new-to-her public high school. Casting had already been done for the play, but she understudied, took extra roles and scored two of the solos in the musical. Here she is, in the far left, from the picture my camera took from my own seat last night.

Eleven of us went. Everyone that lives at home, minus Caroline who was working and will go with Steve tonight instead. I love that we are getting back to the idea that we support each other, 100%, no matter what - and so we ALLL go to see someone's performance. We used to do that - then just ended up where some kids here and there couldn't attend (usually behavioral) or else we were simply priced out of admission tickets when multiplied by 30+. The other thing I love is that ALL of the kids were amazingly well behaved! Nice job, guys....so much more pleasant for everyone when it turns out that way.

Everything is easy here....kinda of leaves me not knowing what to do, anymore! lol. A few random family updates:

Abigail found an apartment to rent, so will be moving out in the next week or so.
Larry got suspended from the bus for 3 days for snapping a little girl in the eye with a rubberband - I do believe it was actually an accident, but he simply MUST be more careful with his impulses, before it ends up worse than one little girl with a sore eye.
Nicole had her first track meet this week - said she "sucked, but the other kids sucked even worse" and she came in 4th? lol
8 dentist appointments done this week, along with too many fillings. 4 more coming next week, and 2 endodontist treatments and 2 orthodontist appointments. Then we should be set for a while?
I made it to church/women's group on Tuesday night. It's only once a month, but I've been trying to make it since we moved here 6mos ago. Seems something always comes up at the last minute to keep it from being a good idea for me to leave the house at night...so, even though my mind was elsewhere the whole time and I wondered why I even bothered to put on a skirt and drive "allll the way there" (a mile? haha), I was glad for the OPPORTUNITY to be there!
Spring break coming up, starting in about 20minutes....wish us luck! :-)

Happy Anniversary

2011-03-10T10:35:00.003-07:00

I'm still on a few different email group lists. Yesterday, they all had pre-programmed "Happy Anniversary" reminders sent, recognizing what would have been my 21st wedding anniversary. My response this morning:

lol...well, thanks?
except that we were divorced last year, almost exactly on our 20th anniversary.

I took the day "off" yesterday - planning in advance that it would be an emotionally difficult day for me (still not wanting the stupid divorce) -
stayed in my jammies all day...getting dressed only in time to bake some cookies with the little kids before bed. :-)

Back to regular life today...

Updates of the kiddos

2011-02-28T11:31:00.004-07:00

Two of my girls with their birthmom and auntie. While I'm not thrilled at the occasion that brought us together for the day (funeral), I am very heart-comforted that we've been able to maintain the kind of relationship with the birthmom that has allowed me to have no qualms about dropping everything and driving the girls to another city to participate with their family in important events, to give the girls the benefit of knowing ALL of their family/families, and have us work together for their well-being.

I've been asked by many to update about ALL the kids, to say where everyone is, what they're doing, etc. Well, that could take ages...lol - but I figure a brief bullet-point update is in fair enough. So here ya go - the super short version:

Heather - preparing to move up to Phoenix with her clan and "new man". Can't wait to have her closer!
Erica - living in Winslow; Wilson working at hospital there. Recent scare about her bilirubin level rising...waiting to hear more news!
Angelique and the girls - live about 20min from us, so we get to see them often, but not often enough!
Caroline - living at home since November when she had more health problems, following from her accident last fall
Vito - just transferred schools, moving up to Flagstaff to attend the university there
Bethany - recently moved into another apartment, still working at Del Taco, and has a new boyfriend that I haven't met yet but she seems to like
Kate - started a new job working long shifts in a group home, planning a summer wedding, and baby Omar (aka "Junior") walks, plays and loves his grandma...:)
Mari - moved from UT back to AZ. Says she wants to finish high school still, lives in Elena's EXACT old apartment from a year or so ago (weirdish - it's a GIANT complex).
Ryan - still at ASU, found another part/time job, just finished up a show (Best Little Whorehouse in TX) - I'm waiting to hear what the next one will be
Max - living in Tucson, with my best friends' family back in our old house! He's able to volunteer at the school where he was frequently kicked out of when we lived there - and I think that is fabulous for a "full circle" thing - for him to go from being the "bad kid" to the Army man who shows up to help them learn.
Elena - restricted contact now. Long story. But she did text me some BEAUTIFUL pics of the baby when she saw her last. And I called her for her birthday #19 this month - it was good to hear her voice and know she's at least alive and still Elena.
Helen - now Haylen. She lives, works 2-3 jobs, and goes to college full time. Recently bought her first car. She does it ALL, wearing herself thinnnn, but I'm SO proud of her determination and willingness to do what she needs for all she wants. She's been reaching out more and more and it makes my heart happy - and she's SO funny.
Abigail - living at home, going to college to major in special education - I wouldn't have guessed that for her, but she's really excited about it lately and throwing herself into it. If/when she finishes, I think she'll be pretty good at it. Was engaged; now she's not.
Steven - out of home. I have personal emotional issues mixed with the others/physical/tangible issues, so I'll keep it as short as that with more to come later?
Rebecca - transferred from the performing arts school to local public high school, jumped right in to the arts areas and her first show is coming up this weekend (she is understudy for the lead and also has the show's only solo).
Angelica - in our last school, she was the school bully, even assaulting teacher, aides, bus drivers. She had an IEP for ED/behavior problems and NOT even for being MMR. Here, she is a DIFFERENT kid - smiley, fun, eager to please. They can't even imagine that she'd be a bully. Go figure! :-) For whatever reason the change, we are surely not complaining!
Megan just turned 16 - transferred from homeschool into public school last month. Mixed results, but she still seems excited.
Shawn - didn't cut it in the family placement we had hoped would work out. His previous foster mom/treatment lady has agreed to keep him in her home for temp/long term - she is so good with him. We are still blessed.
Nicole - smart aleck, honor roll, principal's list, working on college scholarship apps already - she's in 8th grade.
Nikki - just turned 14, also in 8th grade - I'm shocked at how fast she turned from girl to young lady! Seemed more fast than the others! She's doing ok at this school; needs a lot of reminders that other 8th grade mainstreamed girls don't like to be touched, stroked and hugged, esp after they ask you to stop. (She's always had issues with touch, boundaries, etc. Not in a sexual way - just no concept of personal space whatsoever).
Sarah - homeschool to public school - after 4 weeks, we are back to rage fits and ick behaviors. Good thing CPS had this great idea that she needed public school; of course, I wouldn't know my own child and worried about her anxiety disorder coming back. She still wants to stay in school tho - so just pray for all of us.
Vonetta - easy-peasy, lemon sqeezy. Easy going, eager to please, funnnnnny. She's the family nephew/niece babysitter - they allll love her; and we all love that they love her, esp when we are ready for our holding turn to be over! lol
Ashley - finalllly in a fabulous school who recognizes that there are serious concerns...more testing is being done - and I hope we caught it while she is still such an eager learner!
Allie - loving school, ultra social, very smart. About to turn 9! In the school talent show this week, dancing to Michael Jackson's Thriller. :_
Larry - umm....well, he's STILL Larry in every way!! So active, so curious, so funny, so crazy-making. He will be EIGHT years old next week...EIGHT!!!!

Adoption Disruption

2011-02-27T21:11:00.002-07:00

College Daughter asked for my help on her huge ol' research paper - topic: Adoption Disruption.

Of course, I'm eager to help. And, wow, do I remember how very much I have to say on the subject! :) I have fewer answers than ever, more questions - but a whole lot of opinion to throw in.

That's not all entirely helpful for a research/fact based paper - but whew, am I riled up momma tonight....

Might just have to finish up with some serious topical blogging....:-)

27 kids
14+ have come from disrupted adoptions - meaning, by me, finalized adoptions prior to ours. Two of my kids have been adopted 3 times before; one has been adopted 5 times before we became parents #7 (birth parents count in there as well).
Adoption disruption will always be a topic soooo close to my heart....sadly, so - but more to come (NO, not more children to come!!! more that I have to SAY about it...lol)

my weekend in Vegas - the kids' first whole weekend with dad

2011-02-17T21:35:00.002-07:00

This last weekend was the kids' first weekend with their dad. (He sees them often, but never had them overnights or for a weekend yet.) Rather than have them all find some hotel(s) to stay, we opted for me to leave for a quick trip away and let the kids stay in their house.

I took the two oldest at home kids (Caroline and Abigail) and left for Las Vegas for the weekend. I LOVE Vegas trips. We got to see Phantom of the Opera at the Venetian (something I'd promised Caroline for her high school graduation trip 2yrs ago, but then ran out of fundage for). Showed Caroline the weird intrigue that is the wax museum. Met some truly great people - no joke - I don't believe they were coincidences - the life lessons I was able to glean were truly needed just right now, that weekend, in my life. Best of all....the fountains at the Bellagio. I don't know why, really - but I get teary eyed every time I see them...aside from watching a human birth, watching the fountains is my all time favorite thing to see!!

Steve and the kids did great. I still have a harrrrrdddddddd time processing that he wants to continue forward with separate parenting, separate lives. It goes against every thing I've ever wanted, every thing I've ever believed. But, this is what he wants and he's moving on. So, it's perhaps a couple years past time that I really find a way to figure this out. I'm working on it. Hard, hard, hard. But, I'm trying.... If I could swing the funds, I might try another weekend in Las Vegas to see if that helped. :-)

A birthday....remembering

2011-02-11T00:17:00.003-07:00

Nikki turned 14!! Nikki was our first EVER foster baby. She came on October 8, 1998 -- a full 8 days before we even had a fostercare license! lol. She came with a brother, Shawn. He was 3.5yrs old and Nikki was 20mos. I remember how excited I was, driving down to the children's shelter - the only thing we had for them was carseats - picking up the two little kids who needed us - and ready to make them part of our family. For 2mos, just like the fostercare workers told us. lol....2mos - or forever. Turned out to be the latter. So cute, Nikki was pudgy, didn't walk or talk even a bit, wore glasses, had a broken arm, smiled all the time like she had some secret that we didn't know, and came right to me every time I reached f or her. (I thought that was really sweet - because, like I said, she was my first ever foster child and I'd never heard of Reactive Attachment Disorder....which, oh boy, did she have - along with autism, mild cerebral palsy, and moderate mental retardation. We were in a for a ride of which size we couldn't have even imagined to prepare for!) It's been a ride, but parts of it sure have been a lot of fun with her. She's STILL usually in a good mood. She loves to write and draw and make pictures and notes for people. She LOVES school. And she was very excited about this chocolate roses on chocolate frosting on chocolate cake that she picked out for her birthday! (And.....she asked for makeup for her birthday.....they allll grow up. :-)

Best Little Whorehouse...

2011-02-11T00:08:00.003-07:00

Aha!! You actually can NOT use that phrase/title to refer to my girls (for a change? I know not so distant past portrayed another story...ugh...) Anyway - THIS time, Ryan was in another musical performance at ASU (where he's still attending, with a major in Finance/Accounting, I think...I need to ask for the update there). This show - the Best Little Whorehouse in Texas. I was awed by the talent and abilities of those kids...err, I mean young adults. WOW!!!

No family photos with this one - topic mandated that our family attendance be more narrowed this time. Those are the three girls I took this time. The five of us had a good time at dinner afterward as well. It's hard, sometimes, with grown kids - I really miss hanging out and having fun dinners almost every night....and so it makes me miss them, but also really appreciate the times we do make to spend together!! Not enough of them, for sure....

Made Me Laugh Today

2011-01-25T20:27:00.002-07:00

Caroline, Rebecca, Abigail, Vonetta, Nicole....the "new house" kitchen in the background. (That has nothing to do with anything, except as a lead-in for me to say again how BLESSED we were to find this house. It's half the size of our old home, in an area I'd have never looked in if we weren't forced by circumstance - it was "too nice" for us, lol - but the house, neighborhood and schools have been PERFECT for us, in every way!!) Anyway.....

Things that made me laugh today:

* Abigail walked in to Nicole's bathroom this morning while they were all getting ready for school. Nicole asked her where she was going. Abigail replied "Where does it LOOK like I'm going??". Sarcasm was intended. But, without missing a beat, Nicole - perfecting the art of sarcasm in her short years - answered, feigning innocence, "To a homeless shelter??"

* Allie asked, sweetly, "Mom, can I tell you something?" I answered with a flat "no". Just as sweetly, Allie continued "Yes. I'm going to tell you something." and continued....lol

* Allie, Ashley and Larry ride the bus together. The girls were teasing Larry because he's been assigned to sit next to a little girl named Deonicka. He said nothing. So Nicole asked him "Do you LIKE Deonicka?" He got a smirky, shy smile -- awww, a little one infatuated. Sweet?? Not to his big sister! She says:
"Oh no, you don't! You'd better like math! You'd better like reading! You'd better like science! But you'd better NOT like little girls named Deonicka, buddy!"
Good thing I have Nicole to stand in when I might be unavailable?? lol...

Performing Arts, Public Schools

2011-01-25T20:00:00.003-07:00

Awesome cast photo from Rebecca's last play. She left her Performing Arts high school two weeks ago and transferred to the closer public high school. I'm so sad about it, but she really thought out her decision and feels it's best for her. So far, she seems happier, I will admit. AND, she went and talked to the arts teachers - and with an "audition" of singing Happy Birthday at 8am while she had a head cold - they placed her in highest choir and gave her a role in the spring play of understudy to the lead. Nice. I hope this is a good experience for her.

Megan and Sarah also FINALLY started their public school experiences again (very much against my will. And the cps lady even sat in court and said "Mother is doing it because it's therapeutically beneficial". Huh? Says the CPS lady, new to CPS, but a many years ex-police officer? What therapeutic individual thinks this is a good idea?!? But, because it's true that it'd risk everyone staying safely in the home right now, while power hungry lady is in charge, the girls are giving it a shot.) Took a long time to get things straight for both of them - but they've been in a week - both girls seem to be starting out on good feet (a lot to be said for Sarah, with the muscle problem who actually DOES have problems staying on her feet/upright...lol...cracking myself up....)

This now means I have NO children at home during the day, except for Caroline. It's different. Quiet. And somehow goes by too quickly to get anything done?? This is going to be a learning experience for me....:-)

Rebecca and the Holy Spirit

2011-01-25T19:33:00.002-07:00

We attend church services together as a family. As you might guess, this means that some kids want to be there, some kids do NOT want to be there, and some attend while figuring out what they do/don't want to be doing about this business of religion, spirituality, and their parents' belief in Christ. Now....factor in our family's often "less appropriate" sense of humor - and things can be often entertaining (yes, also oft embarassing - but, I'll just bring up the funny parts today, haha).

Sunday, I came out of my church class and met Rebecca (Queen of DRY humor) walking down the hall. She poked me. Huh? She said it was the Holy Spirit. And she poked me again. "Did the Spirit touch you, mom? Do you want to feel the Spirit touch you again?" Rolling my eyes, walking further down the hall, she pushed me a little bit. "Rebecca! What are you doing?!?" She pushed me a little bit again. "Did the Spirit move you, mom? Huh? Did you feel the Spirit move you?" Then, at dinner, she announced "Hey, guess what guys? Mom felt the Spirit at church today - it touched her. She was really moved by it." What a dork...but it really made me giggle a lot.

Court Update

2011-01-12T22:27:00.002-07:00

Back from court.
Well, that was astonishingly surreal. And wrong.
Details of case are included here - if any don't want to read, stop here.

The neglect charge, now conviction, now has a stipulation of "based on the behaviors of the child",
with the neglect being that we can't keep him safe here without treatment.
That's fine.
We contested before this and were headed to jury trial. Then, "they" agreed to this stipulation, so I was willing to accept that. It's true - he can't come home without treatment, based on his own behaviors and not on anything that we did. If that's neglect, ok then.
That's not even the wrong part.

The wrong part...part #1.
Child offender's attorney argued that child not be charged with anything because, after all, he was a victim too (citing pre-age 6 abuse that he's been in years of treatment over). Attorney also requested an order that child not discuss the matter with ANYONE - most especially in any form of therapy or with police (but also including family, group home, support groups, treatment of any sort, ANYONE).
I guess my shaking head was noticed as judge requested my input - among others, I wanted to explain that Child Offender has schizophrenia and a serious thought disorder....therefore, I now understand why he's been telling everyone that nothing happened (kids all still go to school together). For him "don't talk about this at all" = "nothing ever happened". That's how his brain sees absolutes, concrete and then limiting to all or nothing. If he can't accept what happened, how can he process, move forward, and hope to not re-offend in the future??
But gosh, seems like that doesn't matter.
Because the judge actually ordered those things.
Now, you see, my Child Offender son has been PROHIBITED, BANNED, ORDERED NOT TO receive therapy for being a victim OR an offender OR anything else.

Oh...why? Because he might disclose in one of these discussions, that he's offended more than once (we have several victims who've disclosed this - but only in last few months, AFTER attorney requested this ban - therefore inadmissable?? wth??). If he discloses now, a mandated reporter would have to report it to law authorities. At 17yrs old, he could be arrested and serve jail time and have it be on his permanent record! Oh my!!!! Even the judge openly discussed that she didn't want this to happen.

Am I the only person that is far less concerned about this child's permanent record or potential jail time - and concerned about him getting help??? Or concerned for the possible persons that he likely WILL harm in the future??

You know those Dateline type tv shows where they discuss an offender who had "signs in his childhood pointing toward" his adult crime? They always wonder why the parents didn't get him help? I wonder how many of those parents sat in courtrooms like we did today, baffled that the legal system that we turned to for helping our abused and abusing children was actually allowing the parents to be called abusers and having it ordered that the child never receive a bit of help.

OK....super ridiculous part #2:
Offender Child turns 18 this summer. He can then sign himself back into foster care until age 21. At this point, through Arizona Young Adult Program, he will be eligible for free housing/apartment, free college, and other living expenses. Honestly, I think it's a decent program. No complaints there.

However, when he went into placement here, our adoption subsidy funds were moved from us back to the state to cover his care. (Interesting that we're still being asked to provide for all of his needs, to the tune of several hundred per month. We could refuse - but we don't. Because the truth is, we have the right to refuse - and they still have the right to take our kids, having an open case - we're trying to just not rock the boat. So we pay.) So, that's all well and good. BUT, when he's 18, his subsidy eligibility ends and the state will not receive the subsidy (it's own money anyway, but...) - and we, lucky parents, will then be asked to pay child support for this child - several hundred dollars per month, until he leaves the program or turns 21. The kid will be 18, getting NO help, getting thousands in freebies, and we get to pay a bunch for this privelege.

Sadly, when he becomes a repeat rapist or offender, I will be first in line to say to the state "I told you so"....and beyond grieving for the victim, because maybe, just maybe, it could have been prevented. We'll never know.

I'm really sick to my stomach over all of it.

And then I come home to a Victim child who has written in sharpie all over the bunkbeds - "MY BED ONLY! STAY OFF MEAN GUYS!" I will keep fighting - but where, who. At least this kid gets awesome therapy and is NOT prevented from talking about problems. Maybe ONE kid won't turn into eventual offender? I don't know....I had prayed so for the above child. I pray...but my faith doesn't seem to be increasing.....

Hanging out in my house, the child abusing mom and her 12 awesome kids. Writing my blog. Reading email from an adult daughter who has put us thru the wringer perhaps more than any other - with another apology and expression of love - and my wry smile just isn't quite sure what to tell her anymore either....

Oh - and had a decent "girl argument" with the CPS worker when we left as well. Girl arguments are where you pretend to talk really sweetly and, to outsiders (or Steve, who was listening) it may seem as if you're getting along - but you're really, really, really not. lol. I WILL be appealing the CPS decisions.....which are ENTIRELY separate, and have NOTHING to do with, legal decisions........but CPS decisions are the ones that most affect your future abilities to work in the schools with your kids, coach your daughters team, or possibly - which were my career aspirations - become a teacher or therapist or adoption advocate. Funny. Huh? Anyway....when Steve figured out we weren't getting along after all, and Worker Lady drove away, he said "So, you got your balls back!" Yep....I think I'm finding a set...gotta re-learn how to use 'em right maybe...

Last week's court update

2011-01-11T22:10:00.002-07:00

No update posted...because....no update to post.

Steven's guardian ad litem (attorney) was a no-show.
If all of the attorney's are not there, they can't continue.
So, it was cancelled. (Not rescheduled. Just cancelled.)

Another, different hearing, is scheduled for tomorrow.
Hopefully, there will be an update to post - although I don't anticipate that it's going to be something I'll be happy about. At this point, I figure my job is to find a way to live with things as they are going to be found - and accept that truth doesn't have to be the reason for it, find a way to do that in as positive a way as I can.

Erica and Wilson came to visit for an afternoon

2011-01-11T22:03:00.001-07:00

Dumb Day

2011-01-04T23:46:00.003-07:00

This is the kind of day that stopped up my blogging. There is nothing that I wish to talk about - and a lot that I wish would go away - but I will talk anyway:

CFT (child/family team meeting) for Steven today. I'm still having a hard time feeling good about sitting in meetings to get him services. He continues to falsify many things about us - and CPS worker from hell (aka Steven's new best friend) is continuing to support him and be outwardly and obviously against us, with no merit. (One of today's comments, when I mentioned something about a long ago caseworker asking us to take Larry & Allie from an orphanage style home. "Oh, so CPS contributed to your demise." I ignored her, like always - but her agenda is clear. To the kids a while ago "Don't worry. I will handle these idiots that take care of you." Attorneys have told us what we already knew - there is nothing we can do. All because Steven sexually assaulted and we called police and asked that he be moved to get some help...). I love his mental health workers right now. I severely dislike the CPS worker. I have a hard time stomaching meetings with Steven, who finds joy in denying reality and creating a new one, at our expense (and his, too, as it keeps him from help).

Tomorrow, a court hearing for same thing. Mediation hearing. I'm sick to my stomach already - sitting here at midnight, with heartburn, dreading the morning.

Max, on the other hand, over the holidays, sat at the table and apologized for "being an asshole" growing up and when we had the most serious problems with him. He went into more detail and it was nice to see him growing in his understanding and maturity.

State dropped the kids from insurance due to a mix-up on their part. They are willing to kindly reopen the case??, with all new documentation from us (a difficult feat, given all that they require for each person - again). I waited on a chair for 3.5hours this afternoon for a less than one minute conversation with a desk clerk - who took my SS#, announced that she'd set me a phone appt to talk to someone and handed me a piece of paper with the time on it. The ONLY words I uttered were "thank you" when she was done. 3.5 hours. Ugh. And...while I wait for the error correction, I get to pay full price for the kids' prescriptions. Yikes. Yet, I will still announce that I am more than grateful for the help we do get with that, a benefit for special needs children adopted through the state foster system.

Phone calls trying to withdraw kids from virtual schooling in order to put back into public school. This is against my wishes, but complying with CPS wishes. I am very nervous for these girls and their progress. I hope for the best.

Cooked carrots with dinner - one of my favorites!! Definite high point in my day! :-)

Amusing: Sarah (below, showing her height 5'10.5" compared to Abby's barely 5') watched a TV commercial. The commercial advertised a product that can take 10 years off your appearance! She's certain she would like this product - so she can look 3 years old again! lol...she's a very wryly, sarcastically, funny kid. (And I pray that her severe anxiety disorder, bipolar disorder, and physical differences, can tolerate a shove back into 8th grade...she'll do fine. Right?)

New Year....Resolutions?

2011-01-01T23:12:00.005-07:00

I thought about what I should I do for a New Years Resolution(s). That's a big thought. Too big for my tiny thought ability lately. Not long ago, I followed a friend's idea to have New Month Resolutions instead. I love that better, for so many reasons. Awesome. That shall be my plan. It is January 1st. I have no resolution figured out for the month....hmmm. I'm not giving up on the idea....just late on the start.

Megan asked on her facebook status to find out what others' resolutions were. I answered that I resolved to be better at convincing her to clean my room. Perhaps that could be my January resolution?? (OK...I'm looking at some other ideas...but, if Megan is on board with this room cleaning thing, I will gladly stick with that resolution!)

New photo of me from this week - I needed a photo to send with an application for something and realized I don't really have any of me...just lots and lots of kid photos. Maybe my resolution should be to take more photos? hahaha....I think not. I'll stick with kid pics...l :-)

Taxes or Park?

2010-12-28T23:47:00.003-07:00

Sooo....we have tax problems. They all stem from the adopting of kids from disrupted adoptions - on the surface, they seem like no big deal - kids change names, right? They keep the SS#s, right? Well, it doesn't seem to actually be the case to work as simply as it should. So, we have a few years of taxes to get figured out. Before tomorrow.

Steve and I worked out that he would take the kids for the morning (he works swing shifts) and I would have a quiet house to get things worked on and figured out. Here are some pics from the park day the kids had with dad.....

Unfortunately, the problems were larger than I could work out in a morning at home. I will need to go down in person in hopes of convincing. A family photo often helps with this. (No kidding there. I've used the family photo to "explain" things many times in similar situations, college financial aid, proof for family membership for 29 at the zoo, etc.) I'll bring the picture with me, and see what happens....lol

However, quiet time at home did not go wasted. My mind was soothed by the calm and rejuvenated enough to appreciate a funny afternoon with kids. Dang, I have funny kids. :-)

Christmas

2010-12-27T23:01:00.003-07:00

Christmas was wonderful! It was low key, mellow, low/no drama. It's been years since I've even imagined something like that! :-) Although there were several kids who weren't home, and we misssed them very much, it was such a nice day to spend with the kids who were home. Steve was able to stay overnight and spend Christmas Eve and Christmas Day with us - I think it was great and calming for the kids to have both parents celebrate an important holiday with them, to not have to worry about divided loyalties or other family/divorce issues. For kids who've been adopted or been thru several families, holidays always bring up all sorts of issues. Having divorced parents in the "new" family seems to exacerbate those. This year, I didn't really notice any.

Early Christmas morning, Baby O and his parents (Katie and Omar) came over. Katie LOVES boxed chocolates - so, of course, she usually gets some. She shared with the baby - he clearly shares his mom's love of chocolate!

Angelique with Edgar. He clearly enjoys his new Dora DVD?

Grandma LOVES these dimples - on Christmas and every other day!

Busy Baking

2010-12-23T20:09:00.003-07:00

Kids have been out of school this week - it's been easy. They are busy, but happy and easy to get along with. No big projects, and also no deadlines. My mom, neice and nephew have been visiting. Wonderful pre-holiday week.

Three grandkids for the days yesterday and today (ages 5,3,1) - I had great "grandma plans" for us to do creative art things and baking together. Now that the second grandma day is over and the kids have gone home.....well, we were sure busy all day both days, but we are just now STARTING the baking, lol.

We've made rocky road fudge, chocolate peanut butter fudge, and some sugar cookies - that we are going to frost later. Isn't the picture of the melting snowmen cookies cute?!? That's what we're going to TRY to make. Right now, we're working on 14 loaves of banana bread (that means 28 cups of flour, 28 eggs, 3.5 pounds of butter!).

Worst part of my day: I went to Target and they are out of the Cella chocolate cherries! Dang. I love those....and other stores don't carry them in the same unwrapped boxes (less $)..... So sad. Guess I'll have to eat more fudge to make up for it?

Little kids crack me up

2010-12-20T22:08:00.003-07:00

Little kids are so funny. This is Alexis (5yr old granddaughter) at last week's kindergarten Holiday concert. Can you tell which one is her in that second photo? Sooo funny to me - the other kids lookin all around and she's got her hand raised up so high to make sure we notice her. I didn't get to go to the concert, but her mom has the funniest stories to tell - this kid is NOT shy. I absolutely love her.

Tonight for family night, Larry and Allie put on a show about the Christmas Story with hand puppets. It was hysterical, including such parts as this:

*Mary, after hearing about her impending child from the Angel, cries "Oh, what will I do?"

*Joseph, in his deepest 7yr old voice, "I will help you. First, we gotta pay some taxes."

The entire presentation was amusing...loved it.

Last week, for family night, I tried talking to the kids about giving gifts to the Savior, since it's His birthday and not ours...serving Christ through serving others. The kids were mostly too goofy to pay much attention. Then Caroline leaned forward and threw up. This prompted Abigail to throw up. Which turned back to Caroline, puking again. Other kids scampered to help and/or holler about the ick factor. During this choatic moment of gross, Larry and Allie stood up and began to sing Away in a Manger. To the sound of puke. I DEFINITELY felt the holiday spirit! lol (I did see the humor right away - but I would really rather not enjoy such evenings as tradition in the future?)

Nativity Night

2010-12-20T00:15:00.002-07:00

Slept in. Too late, actually, so some of us missed church....:-( But 4 kids were ready to go and Steve came by for them so they got to attend and sing in the choir performance.

Bunch of kids helped me wrap gifts. And wrap. And a bit more wrapping. Nope, not done yet.

After dinner of soft tacos, we all went to the temple to see lights, nativity scene and concert - the weather is STUNNING here right now. It was such a nice night to be outside. Really nice night with the family.....

So much went right today that I refuse to comment on what went wrong. It was a good day.

(AND, I do hope that we get Larry's ADHD meds figured out ASAP in the morning....another day without them and you will NOT see me write "it was a good day"!)

Family Celebration

2010-12-19T00:53:00.003-07:00

This is the kind of day that normally never gets posted about - too many thoughts and emotions...so I'll "wait until I have time to write more about what's really going on in my head" or thoughts or awesome epiphanies or some such. But....I'm trying to write more and so I will write tonight anyway, realizing that, of course, I will sacrifice some profound something somewhere. lol.

I had a fabulous day with my family. That's all.

And therein lie all of the thoughts and feelings. See, I went along this year to Steve's family Christmas celebration. Last year, I felt weird with the divorce and everything, so I didn't go - stayed home and sobbed a lot instead. This year, I realized it would be weird for everyone, but I went. And it was nice. And that's the thing - they're MY family. Yes, I understand how divorce works. And I'm saying that's one of the hard, stinky parts (all of them are, but this one, too) -- 21 years ago, I embraced them as my family....and we grew together, with marriages and children and good times and hard times....for 21 years. I don't have something similar in my own family - we barely talk (or in some cases, we don't) - so, truly, they became my family.

So, now we are divorced. By genetics, he keeps the family. More or less, that's how divorce works. It's been a struggle for me. Then, all aspects of this divorce are a struggle for me - as it's really not something I want. So, going to a fabulous day/evening of talk, laugh, good food, gifts, and a fun "game" of "ask the grandparents" to learn more about them -- and the family treated me very well, told me they were glad I came -- and yet, left me sad to realize my "claim" to them is no longer.

So....in all the work I do with kids to get to the point of "claiming" for them, where they can claim me as mom, us as their family - it appears I need to do work with myself to figure all this out. It may not be mine to decide any of the circumstances right now - but I do get to figure out what I do within the circumstance. As I read tonight: "You can not stop the waves. But you can learn to surf."

Meanwhile, I'm so glad I went. It was great to see everyone. (And to you family of whom I speak, thank you.)

Note 1: 16 of my kids attended - we don't get a lot of kids together anymore (maybe one day - would love that again!)....they grew up so fast and are all so busy in their lives. This was really nice. And I'm certain we overwhelmed the rest, who were very generous with time, talents and home.

Note 2: I received the above eye patch thingy as part of a gift. It says "shhhh" on it, which cracks me up. I'm going to keep it with me and, every time it gets noisy, I'm just going to put on the mask and see if they get the point? lol

Note 3: You can see my phone in my cleavage there. Seems I store a lot right in that area. So....my apologies to all those who searched for 30minutes to find the keys that I found tucked safely with my "personals". Sheesh....

First Birthday!

2010-12-18T00:03:00.002-07:00

Elena's beautiful baby girl turned one year old. We were invited to her birthday party - and thrilled to be permitted to be part of her celebration. I so wish we had more contact with her. I love her SO much. (For now, she remains in custody of her father. I'm sure more posts on that later....but, for now, that's where things are. When he allows us to see her, then, we are very excited! :-)

Homework and School

2010-12-17T23:40:00.002-07:00

Here is Megan doing homework. The problem is that she's goofing off and helping someone else do THEIR homework, while her own remains woefully incomplete. So much so that I'm trying a reverse change and putting her BACK in public school - an attempt to see if the grades and structure of OTHER adults (not mom) helps her at all? She's a brilliant kid. Because of some behavior concerns (which I'm certain will follow her to public school as most of the opportunities for her are right there), she ended up coming home for home school. Megan is a good kid and she isn't disrespectful much - she just is the most intenself distracted kid and least wanting to actually complete an assignment of anyone I've met. She also functions at a speed so slow that makes molasses look like it travels the speed of light. We switched homeschool to an online virtual academy for her - now that she's preparing to start the same year for the THIRD time, and me feeling I've tried all I know, I'm throwing it back to the public school teachers and hoping that something there triggers her latent abilities to succeed in the educational arena. AND I'm crossing my fingers - I don't believe in that, but at this point, I'll do it just in case it *might* help....

And then you have Nicole here....OY!

Nicole is brilliant - and she knows it. Education (the process and the high grades) come easily for her. Her naturally sarcastic and "life enjoyment" personality style can make for interesting work time for Nicole and, mostly, for her teachers. If/when she spends time at home during schoolwork, it's usually something like this one here. I went in and asked her what she was doing - it really is rare for her to have not completed an assignment at school or just determined it unnecessary in her life - and to bring it home. She tells me she has to write a report on a recent news article. But, I shouldn't worry. She has already found and printed her article at school and is ready to go. I ask what article she chose. "Newlywed Shot Dead After Halloween Party". Nice Nicole. THIS is the article that is most going to elevate you into higher learning opportunities. She gave me her classic smile that let me know she thought exactly so....sheesh. lol

Lastly - two kids at home still on IEPS (done from up to 10 at one point!) - both girls doing phenomenally well! I LOVE the new district!!

Merry Christmas from Kindergarten

2010-12-16T23:57:00.001-07:00

Granddaughter is in kindergarten...here is her first Christmas concert. I couldn't go (sick kid :-( - but her momma sent me these photos and a lot of hysterical description. Alexis really feels like the world is there to notice her - it's very refreshing while she's 5....we'll see how that goes as she gets older, lol.

Notice the second photo - group photo for parents to take. See her arm? Way up in the air, making sure we all see her. lolol....

She is so cute to me.... And I'm glad her concert went well. I told her mom to take lots of pictures - kindergarten singing concerts are truly the good stuff in life!

November synopsis

2010-12-16T23:48:00.003-07:00

Well, November flew by -
I had 2 surgeries and one "procedure" (girl stuff - and FINALLY). Just as I was becoming slightly mobile, I took the kids to a lights festival downtown - a few feet into the festival, I fell off the sidewalk, really hurting my left ankle and right knee. The urgent care gave me crutches - well, if you can't put down any pressure on either leg, makes that kinda useless. I did a lot of...well....nothing. Pretty frustrating to want to do things, for a change (lol) and be incapacitated!

News items:
1) The kids were AMAZINGLY helpful and worked together!

2) Steve went above and beyond, for any man - but especially being that he's my EX-husband and owes me nothing. But he sat next to me during surgery, drove me home, helped around the house, ran my errands. Very awesome - he deserves praise and good thoughts for that, for sure.

Other November events:
Angelique, Erica and Caroline had birthdays - none of super exciting noteworthiness, but all chances for me to be grateful that I'm their mom.

Abigail took me on a weekend trip to Vegas (pre-surgery), which was nice and relaxing for my head. And I got to watch the fountains at the Bellagio - so beautiful I get teared up most of the time.

Ongoing CPS investigation and requirements, starting end of August....ending who knows when.

Thanksgiving was nice. We really missed some of our kids. And were grateful to see so many others. And Nicole broke our kitchen sink faucet - but tells everyone IT WAS AN ACCIDENT. Well, I should hope it was? It's been since then - we still haven't found specialized parts. Makes washing dishes entertaining.

And I didn't blog at all. Really not sure where to start - and super tainted by having friends use the information against us....and knowing that we are in a current CPS battle, and I'm pretty sure she has the site address to read, too. BUT, I need to write...it helps my head and makes me happy....so I'm gonna give it a try....

Home

2010-11-02T20:44:00.002-07:00

Max flew in this afternoon from the Army base in Ft. Leonard Wood, MO - graduated this morning and left immediately afterward. It was good to see him!

He won't be staying at the house with me and the kids. It's one of those situations where the consequences of your past actions follow you, even if you may have made big changes. Due to the nature of his offenses when he was placed back into CPS care two years ago, CPS would consider it "neglectful parenting" if I were to let him stay under any circumstances. I'm not saying I disagree with that - just noting that it isn't even my choice to make here. Max doesn't really have another place to stay - but it part of the angst and joy of parenting this kid to watch him maneuver his paths. I have high hope for him...

Pumpkin Farm

2010-10-31T14:28:00.005-07:00

Well, I have not at all been feeling like blogging about some serious crud going on with our family right now...but we're still here. So, I'll share some photos instead? These are from the "2nd Annual Showell Trip to the Pumpkin Farm". The kids think it's tradition so wanted to go again - we'd only been once before (last year) - funny how that turned into "tradition" for them. It's fun though. Games for kids, animals to pet and play with, corn mazes, and pumpkins to pick.

Group photo of all of the kids who came with (that's all who live at home now, plus Angelique and her two girls who live in their own place now).....Sarah sitting on a hay bale in a corn maze....and Larry in the little train, although he MUCH preferred the tomato shooters! lol...

Octobers in Arizona are BEAUTIFUL....we're spending a lot of time outdoors lately...good for mind and body.

Trying out for sports

2010-10-18T20:12:00.003-07:00

Nicole tells me that her friend wants her to try out for cheerleading with her. But she (Nicole) doesn't know how to cheer and wonders if her just shouting from the side "Go Brody!!" will count.

She says she would try out anyway, but you need notes from your teachers about your grades and a sports physical. It's not that Nicole is out of shape or has poor grades - but she's too darn lazy to be gathering up all that documentation.

BUT...."if I DID, maybe I should try wrestling? Do they make girls wear the banana suits?"

Me: It's called a singlet

Her: "Yeah, that! I could wear my suit around the house allll day. Whatdya think of that, Vonetta?? (who remains expressionless) I'd just wear that cute little suit around all day, like this!" (followed by some potentially extremely disturbing moves and jumps). "I think it could be awesome!!! But wait. I don't know how to wrestle."

I laugh. Abbie calls out from the family room "You're an idiot!" Ahh, Nicole.

Dichotomy

2010-10-15T21:38:00.003-07:00

Super funny. And a little perplexing - "got your back" usually seems supportive....here, in a different context, it seems not so much supportive. Reminds me of some people I've met over the last few years....

Happy Birthday Vonetta!!

2010-10-15T21:26:00.003-07:00

Vonetta had her birthday, finally bringing her to inclusion in our group of 13yr olds. With Vonetta, that gives four 13yr olds (including her birth sis, a whole 9.5mos older - brave birth mom?)

She went to lunch with dad - used to be a tradition for both of us parents to take the birthday kid to lunch. With the changed/shifted roles and parenting, Steve took over the lunches to get some one on one time with each child...and it also works with his schedule, since he works nights so can't attend normal celebrations. Vonetta picked Applebee's for her outing.

At night, we had a party at home - she chose chicken nuggets and fries for birthday dinner. But then we realized Steven had spilled the teriyaki chicken over the oven the night before and the kitchen was way too full of smoke to continue - so we switched to McD's for nuggets and fries, lol. Got a Karaoke machine and the kids had a great time with that back at home, along with cake and her opening her gifts (13 gifts of 13 items - nothing truly exciting, but a lot of fun.)

Along with gifts, she received cards from her birthmom, birthgrandparents, and another set of grandparents (Steve's parents). So nice to be remembered by everyone...she seemed very happy about it.

The weekend before birthday, Vonetta picked out a pair of pants at Savers (thrift store). We washed them. Abbie borrowed them and complained of a tag in the pocket poking her, but didn't take it out. Pants re-washed and now Vonetta's turn to wear them - she chose to remove the annoying tag - which turned out to be a $100 bill!! Awesome birthday discovery, huh?

Tonight, for the birthday celebration that she'd wanted and mom wouldn't front the cash, a trip to the fair - funded by her birthday pants' discovery. She's there now - hope she's having a great time with a couple of her friends. I dare say she's had a more hefty celebration of birth than we usually do...and that's okay. Nice.

Beautiful daughters, beautiful day

2010-10-12T23:59:00.002-07:00

I have 10 daughters still at home (and 2 sons). Here are four of the girls on the front porch tonight, just before we went to eat dinner for Vonetta's birthday.

I'm too tired to write (as seems usual lately) - but at least it's because of good and normal things. No one at home is having issues out of their average -for instance, here are the two most recent "big problems":

1)Larry's school nurse didn't give him his stimulant meds for his ADHD today and he STILL tried to blame it to his teacher on "my mom wouldn't get up" (I wish!).
2)Nikki hit Angelica on the chest and said "milk jugs" - so I asked her if she knew what the reference meant and we had an odd conversation on breastfeeding.

See? After the problems we've had over the last many years, it's hard for me to get really upset about these. :-)

A short list of 12 things I'm immediately grateful for, to balance out those "serious issues":
beautiful home
the pool chemicals worked and the pool is blue again
cell phones, running vehicles
enough money for gas for them
styrofoam cups for ice water from the circle K
washing machine next to my bedroom so i can really keep up
hearing from Helen and Elena over the last few days, thinking things are going ok for them
slowly getting things better with Angelique
good relationship right now with Steve regarding kid things
the sound of a shouted "GRANDMA!!" across a mcdonalds by 2 preschoolers entering the bldg
the joy of watching kids of all ages do karaoke in the living room on a Tuesday night...
the movie Beauty and the Beast

Humor of sorts

2010-10-07T22:09:00.003-07:00

A friend posted this on FaceBook a while ago - I copied it and still smile every time I see it. Very...well...humerus. haha...

Tonight, on a 4hour taxi trip (drop offs and pick ups - never any get outs), Larry mentioned that Rebecca and Sarah were "real sisters". I suggested he meant "biological sisters". He didn't know the word biological. So I attempted to describe...the stuff your body is made of, blood, skin, genetic composition, etc.

He said "Yeah, they have the same blood I think. But not the same eyes and face. So they are blood sisters. Just not logical sisters. Blood, not logical."

Son, LOGIC stopped playing much part in this family many many years ago...lol. "Real", however, in all aspects of our relationships to each other, seems to be hanging on quite strong. :-)

Daughter, granddaughter...sad grandma

2010-10-02T00:06:00.004-07:00

Edited version of Miss Elena and the Baby Memuna....

Memuna lives with her daddy. Elena has been granted some visitation. I am the supervisor for said visitation. Doesn't matter if I am or not since the Dad has, not once, complied - not allowing any visits at all since last custody hearing. So, I go with her to get the baby - and then we wait two hours for police to show up and write a report of custodial interference.
We're being told there is nothing more that can be done. I'm not at all sure about it. But I am tired with the momma....but willing to fight for the grandbaby's wellbeing. I love her dearly - haven't seen her in over 3months.

She walks now, been walking and now trying to run. And her parents don't seem to grasp the concept of caring for her in a healthy way. Makes me so sad.

As far as Elena herself - or even as far as the relationship between she and I, or she and family - amazing ups and downs, continuing roller coaster. I tried to hop off entirely - grandbaby issues brought me back a little, but not like before. I hope.

Delightfully normal

2010-09-30T00:20:00.002-07:00

Larry fixed himself something to eat. VERY healthy - ick. Hot dog - with ONLY sliced jalapenos on it. Why only that when we have a huge amount of options? "Cuz we don't have any mustard." lol. He loves mustard. He also has a heavy helping of hot cheetos to balance out his meal. And, yes, he wears his jacket every day - even when it's over 100 degrees. I gave up trying to argue him out of it -- after all, *I* am not the one who gets hot when he wears it.

Today was another delightfully normal day. Steve came to work with the homeschoolers for a bit this morning - so I took a morning nap. Took Abby to school...stopped for a Jamba Juice (yum) and to go to World Market quickly - found a beautiful intricately-carved elephant figurine with a baby elephant inside. Picked up Kate to give her a ride to work and I got to keep the baby again. Abigail had a drug screen to be certified to be a hab tech here for the girls. Home for dinner, kids went to youth group while I paid bills, played with the baby, and watched SpongeBob with the 3 youngest. More paperwork, picked up Becca from rehearsal and came home. I'm almost bored it's so normal here. :-)

Of course, there is plenty of drama. It just seems to be with my adult children lately. I do call, talk, help if I can - but the drama doesn't live here right now. And that is very, very nice.

Cage Fighters

2010-09-28T23:25:00.003-07:00

This is a picture of me, doing nothing much at all the other day. Those days usually are actually packed with doing things - all normal, mundane, NORMAL things - void of crises. I LOVE doing nothing much at all like that. Just not sure how to convey that in writing...but I'm grateful for those days. They've been a longgggg time coming.

I saw an ad tonight for presale of Extreme Cage Fighting tickets. I want to get some. I plan to be first in line for tickets.

OR I can just stay home and watch some extreme everyday fighting for free? Lacks a cage, but I'm sure we can work something out.

OK...I'm kidding. But isn't that great? Funny, and a bit sad still, that it really was my first thought on receiving that Fight ticket email.

I don't think I'll get tickets. BUT, I'm definitely eyeing tickets for the roller derby that's coming up on my birthday....very fun...

Roundup & Me

2010-09-21T20:28:00.005-07:00

I learned to use Round-up. It's part of the rental agreement that I keep up the landscaping...so I'm learning. We have beautiful, but manageable yards, inc. community area along mailbox area, where I'm working above...I think I can do this! Here is some pictoral proof of my first effort. Nicole came along as my teacher. Her instruction started like this: "First, you go out into the HOT-ASS sun. Then... lol

Larry is listening to kids discuss driving rules. He asked (and had answered) what a blind spot was. He just told me "Mom, my blind spot is my back." Yep. It is. 8yrs less a week before he is old enough to apply for a Driver's Permit...

Choir Performance for the family

2010-09-20T23:00:00.003-07:00

We went to one of Rebecca's school choir performances today. ALL of us. Several years ago, we used to ALL go to every child's game or performance - all of us - we're a family and we support family members. As our family grew past 15+ kids, and so many had big issues, we phased that out more and more - still taking groups of us to each event, but not ALL of us. Now, I'm hoping we can get back to some of those more treasured experiences (even kids who didn't want to go back then now fondly joke about it....didn't hurt them...lol). It was a semi-nice experience tonight. Yeah, you thought I was gonna say it was a fabulous family experience...nope. Kids were moderately well behaved and I'm still glad we went. On a truly upside, Rebecca is amazing, a gifted singer and is in the school's highest, most selective choir level this year...I'm so glad we are able to send her to this Art School still.

On the way to the car, I told Larry he was really odd. Then, I asked him if he know what odd meant. "Yeah. It means not evens." After a few seconds (and my private chuckling), he asked why I was calling him 5's and 7's. Yep, he really is an odd kid.

Then, we went to Dairy Queen. Buster Bars and Dilly Bars for all...

Love the smell of PineSol wash on the tile floors!

2010-09-19T12:37:00.003-07:00

This is more of a before picture than an after....

We have a lot of thick tile floors at this new house. So, I was showing the kids how to wash this type of tile and use plenty of water to make it easier. I also taught them to save time by NOT drying when you were done - let the air do it for you. I have to admit, I did a fine job of showing and mopping. Minutes later, I also did a fine job of what looked like overdramatic/melodrama-ish slipping on the same wet tile....legs cycling in the air, landing on my back. It WAS funny to see, I'm certain. And it hurt - a lot. Rested, iced, heated, babied. Several days later, Steve has all the kids at church....and I'm gonna get a ride over to urgent care to be sure it's not anything more than I'd figured...

Also, Larry took a can of pringles from the pantry and stashed it in his pillow case, munching sporadically thru the night. He thinks I should not be bothered - because he saved me some.

Angelica was hanging her "cleaned" clothes. I explained (again) that, now that they have been wadded in a basket for 2 days, she can not wear them like that. She will need to re-do a wet/dry to get all those wrinkles and then fold/hang right away from the dryer. I gave an over-long explanation, even by my standards. 30 minutes later, she tries to walk past me, carrying her clothes up to her closet, hung up just like they were, no changes. I asked if she'd heard what I'd told her, item by item. She said she had. So, I asked why she still kept them or even still put them on hangers. "Umm. You didn't say take them off hangers." Yayyyyyy Fetal Alcohol Syndrome.

Smiles

2010-09-18T22:57:00.005-07:00

Things that made me laugh.

Nikki told me that she doesn't go to meth lab at this new school. So, I think I'm feeling fortunate that the new district has higher standards?? OR...should I call to find out if she's getting adequate MATH instruction?

I found a little sign that says "Did you think to pray?" Larry came up, glanced, and read it out loud: "Did you think to party?" Well.....

Conversation with 5yr old granddaughter:

Me: "You are the goofiest kid I know, Alexis."

Her: "First a ball (first of all?), I am not goofy. First a ball, YOU are goofy. First a ball, I go to PE class now and I have a coach. AND first a ball, I'm coloring."

I just called up to Larry - "Larry, how come you're not in the shower?" His 'serious' reply: "Huh? I'm not?"

The kids went to a Pirate exhibition thing with Steve tonight. Some of the comments were humorous: "They had belly dancers. Well, they were more big belly...less dance."

or comments from teens not as prim as they sound (see child at left in middle photo for this one), "wenches boobies were hangin out...really, they just had no self respect!"

The mermaids gave the kids some green glass stones and told them they could make wishes. Larry showed me his and then whispered "They're not real, though". I said I thought maybe they were - he should make a wish and find out? He answered "Mom. I meant the mermaids. They're not real."

I'm starting to find reasons to smile again.

Morning Drive

2010-08-26T23:34:00.003-07:00

I drive a 90min round trip in the mornings to take Rebecca to her Arts School. Larry is usually up by then (what am I saying? the kid is ALWAYS up!) - so he goes with me. He's my "HOV Supporter", being the extra person to enable me to use the HOV/Carpool lane and save lots of time. That also means 90 minutes with Larry, listening to his comments, questions, life theories....interesting. Here are a few of the last 2 days' highlights.

*Radio has a commercial for a pizzeria. Larry hasn't heard that word before. "What's a pizzeria??" pause, where we were still too tired to answer "It sounds a lot like diarrhea. Hmm..."

*It's hard to tell if a cow is asleep or awake because he sleeps with his eyes open. (Not a joke; just an odd educational moment.)

*"Do farts really destroy the ozone layer?", "What is methane gas?", "How do farts get made anyway?", "What are intestines?", "Why can you fart if you have diarrhea AND you can fart if you're constipated? They aren't the same.", "Becca, are you constipated?"
...Becca: Larry, why would you ask me that?
...Larry: "Because I want to know."
...Becca: Larry, no one wants to know that kind of stuff about someone else.
...Larry: "I know. That's why I'm special.", "Mom, how does the air and the poop go thru the intestines anyway?", "What's a process?"......... (He has TONS of questions lately - he's an information/learning sponge - and he retains all of this info...it's pretty amazing really."

*"Mom, were you born at the same time that music was born?" (When I explained that I actually was not older than the universe, but that I would find some music to play for him that WAS popular around the time I was born, he first had more questions. "Was it a really long time ago, though?" Well, son, like you asked, it was around the time I was born - so yes, I guess that was a long time ago. "Like in 2001?" Umm....lol)

*"If you ever let me buy those handcuffs, I"m also gonna buy walkie talkies. And I"m going to play cops. And robbers. With Allie and Ashley. Two of us will be the cops and Ashley will be the robber. Because she's the oldest." (The oldest is always the robber. Duh. You didn't know?)

*"Mom, I hope this van doesn't break down right here. We'll be stranded in the middle of nowhere." Son, we are on a freeway with 5 lanes on each side...in the middle of one of the largest cities in the country...during rush hour. I'd HARDLY call this the middle of "nowhere". "Mom. You don't get it. When you break down, everywhere is the middle of nowhere." I concede the point to Larry on this one...

Another super long day...draining my soul really...trying to find the joys and focus on those while life works itself out a little...

Still Alive!

2010-08-25T14:43:00.002-07:00

I have four minutes left on a library computer....so here is the shortest version I can come up with:

We had to move. We were working with a realtor on a short sale for our home - and we had a buyer, with a good offer (a third of what we paid 5yrs ago - economy for a lot of us, I think). Last Tuesday, we found out that the bank did not want to accept the offer for our short sale (where we were told we'd have about 90+ days before moving) - and that they were going ahead with the home auction. In 2 hours.

The house sold to a cash buyer. We had to leave - quick - and I had no place to go with my 16 people.

Found a great home - didn't qualify, after all, in spite of being told they accepted foreclosures and bankruptcies (we had one 4yrs ago). Turns out they mean foreclosures OR bankruptcies, not both. Bummer...I still miss that home we never had, haha.

Down to the wire, no place to go. Racing around to find a place - so who was packing us up? Yeah, it wasn't really happening. Angelique and Abigail helped me find a couple of owner-rentals....I didn't love any, but two had potential.

We packed. We got help from church folks. We loaded 2 huge moving vans (ended up using 3). And the moving help asked where we were going.....I had two full moving vans and hadn't even figured it out yet!!!

Throw in a bunch of kids who've had a lot of moves in the past, that always represent so much loss on so many levels - the anxiety was less than I'd figured, but surely up there! "Where are we going?" I don't know. "Mom, when is our last day at this school?" I think Friday. "In 2 days? Do I say goodbye to my friends are are we maybe gonna still be there Monday morning?" I *think* we'll be gone, but I'm not withdrawing you just in case... "Mom, are we going to even live in this city?" I don't know. "Can we take the dog?" I don't know. Clearly, not a good move plan.

In the end, we have a beautiful home (2800sq ft or so, down from 4100) that I'm still ticked off at having to move to. It has a pool - kids are loving it. And I gave them the week off school to decompress from the intense stress and do some solo time as just our family before diving back in to the world.

(p.s. Steve was a HUGE help. I can't imagine other men who would work as hard as he did for their ex-wife's move!! I am sooo grateful for his help - I can't imagine having had to do all this on my own!)

Yeah - the librarian gave me 5 extra minutes....lol...but time to go. Internet at the house coming soon? We hope...

Max really did it!

2010-08-16T22:39:00.002-07:00

Max Showell really did graduate from Army basic training on August 12, 2010 from Ft. Jackson, South Carolina. Both of his parents travelled to see this with our very own eyes...if not for that, I'm certain we'd never have been able to believe it. Two HUGE firsts for Max: he did something he said he was going to do....and he followed the instructions of someone who was "in charge" of him. Two amazing accomplishments!

When we first arrived on base, we picked Max up outside of the PX. He looked just like Max, but in a soldier's uniform. He got into the car and the first thing he asked was "Did you guys ever think I'd do this?" Neither Steve nor I paused for a second before both calling out "NO!" and letting him know we were very proud of him.

Steve asked Max if he had a stripe. Max said that he did. Steve asked why he wasn't wearing it. "I can't find it." I laughed soooooo hard. Still the same Max! (He also lost his dog tags, state ID and a few other key items. Really funny to me - esp now that it is, in no possible way, my problem! lol)

The graduation was amazing, awesome. 1400 soldiers together on a field. VERY impressive in so many ways. I'm very very glad that I made the sacrifices needed to attend this event with/for Max. After all the court hearings, police events, cps issues, school meetings that we've attended together, this time we actually got to be together, mother/son, at something really great that he's accomplished. Nice!

The next day, he left on a bus bound for Ft. Leonard Wood, MO to be trained in a chemical specialty. It's a base where my own dad trained, if I remember stories correctly (I would have been just a baby), so that's a pretty cool thing.

Pictures of Max with both parents - you see Max has never gotten over his intense dislike of touching in affection....:-)

You'll never believe it...

2010-08-10T21:26:00.002-07:00

I'm headed off to South Caroline to see Max graduate from Army Basic Training.

Max.

Baby O

2010-08-05T22:04:00.002-07:00

Angelique with baby O at the pool last week. We had him with us for almost a whole week -- it was a ton of fun, really (especially because there are so many of us to share duties)...but it was a lot of fun, right up till the part where he got sick and cried and cried and cried for 18hrs straight and we had to call his mama.

Normally, he loves to smile at his grandma, always a smile for grandma even when he's not so happy ... but he HATES going in the pool (thus his very happy look here, lol).

Karma??? (Larry)

2010-08-04T23:10:00.005-07:00

My 7yr old son is up (the one making the dorky face above - still funny) - hours after taking sleep meds - and asks "Does everyone have karma?" Huh? Who told you about karma? He doesn't remember - but was able to give a very thought out explanation of karma and why he doesn't believe in it, really.... He is a sponge.

Lately, he's constantly asking "why" questions. But, this time, it's on a much higher level than the "4yr old why's" that I'm used to. He genuinely is soaking up knowledge at an amazing pace and high level. His retention is amazing. I had to explain to Steve once that Larry wasn't trying to be a pain with all the questions (although he normally tries to be, it seems!) - but that he's really asking questions about intricate functions and life.

When he grows up, he wants to be a baseball player OR a scientist OR in the Army. Or all three.

Larry is a phenomenal reader. While his sister, a year older, still struggles with basic readers, Larry can pick up a Bible - or any other book on our shelves - and read without pausing on pronunciation or vocab. When there are words he doesn't know, he always asks, learns, remembers - if no one is available, he grabs a dictionary and finds out... Pretty cool really.

He can't use all of his fingers yet. Because he still has no sensation in most fingers, it's very hard for him to use them in fine motor tasks like writing. Translation: when he writes his own name, you can't tell that it was even trying to be letters. We may need to do some school interventions this year. It's not cool that he get poor grades when he can learn so well and remember it all - but not have the ability to handwrite his homework or tests... (Now, ADHD and behavior challenges will be something else we continue to work on...)

He loves to read Calvin & Hobbes in bed until he falls to sleep. He just can't get to sleep...like almost never. Right now, he's wandering around the downstairs at 11:14, mumbling "I wonder when I'll go to sleep"... he sees the doc tomorrow. Will be asking about the seeming lack of efficacy of Larry's sleep meds AND his ADHD stimulant meds (the last month or so have been AWFUL...) But school starts next week - 2nd grade! - and we need to set things up to help him succeed.

He is still a very small kid. "Small for a second grader", he'd like me to clarify. He is 7.5 now. Wears a size 6 super slim. 40lbs and a couple of ounces. Definitely the smallest 7yr old I've parented...yet being small doesn't bother him and he uses it to his advantage. You wouldn't believe the places such a small body can fit/fit thru!

Fifteen minutes after last report: Larry is standing at the table, tapping his foot to the floor on one side, his hand tapping the table on the other side, reading yet another Calvin & Hobbes book. He just read a strip/joke to me. I didn't get it. He thinks it's funny as heck. I'm pretty sure I'm out of my league here with this kid.... haha...

Day Trip!!!

2010-08-02T20:53:00.004-07:00

We planned a fun surprise day trip for the kids today! Just for the day, took them to California, for a day at the beach.

By "we", it sorta went like this....I planned it all summer and finally Steve thought it was a good idea...hehe. When I told him a few days ago that this was the last week of summer break for the kids, he found a way to get off work (rare!) so we could take them to the beach for a day before they go back to school. San Diego is 4-5hrs drive from here - a decent distance, but do-able for a turnaround beach trip (drive there super early, play on the beach alll day, drive home late at night) - gives them the "go to the beach" experience without a lot of strain on the family budget. The two of us discussed it - and are getting along pretty well right now - so decided we could all go together, two parents and the 13 kids at home. And we decided not to say anything to any of them about it, just to wake them up this morning and tell them to get dressed, grab a swimsuit and get in the van.

This morning, seems we both woke up (in our respective homes) nauseous. He came over late. I started puking. He decided to go anyway - woke everyone up and, 20min later, they drove away. I stayed home sick. Spent the whole day throwing up, sleeping most of it, and wishing I would have forced myself to go anyway... They're not even back home yet, but here are pictures that Abigail sent me already from her phone (you can't tell, seeing as she's in every one of them, right? haha...) - looks like they had a good time:

Rain!

2010-08-01T22:24:00.003-07:00

We live in Phoenix. Arizona. In a part of the city that, apparently, repels even the small amounts of rain that ever do come to the state. We rarely get any moisture at all. Rainstorms go around us, bypass us. Until this weekend. Finally!!! Really nice pour yesterday - and on and off drizzles all day today. I'm pretty sure that trips to Disneyland wouldn't produce as much genuine life-joy as the kids had by something so simple as the rain brought around here this weekend!

p.s. wait for tomorrow's blog post about how icky it is to clean up so many muddy shoes and so much mud on floor and carpet....lol. Today, we focus on the joy.

Mementos

2010-07-30T19:22:00.002-07:00

More sorting and organizing going on here (getting ready to move sometime ... more on that later). One of the big projects this week was sorting several big boxes of papers and photos that we've saved into each kids' "personal box". I don't know if we'd even done any sorting in the 5+ years we've lived here; just collecting. We spread all the bins out over our three dining tables - and everyone worked for much longer than we'd planned on - sorting out the mementos, filling up what had been nearly empty boxes.

We have several huge bins of scrapbook supplies, too - from when I loved doing scrapbooks so much that they merited a large part of our family budget. Perhaps a project for another day....or many, many days... :-)

(Today's project was working on the garage - cobwebs and trash and sports equipment and all sorts of oddities...not much fun for photos or sharing, lol..)

Swimming

2010-07-29T22:21:00.002-07:00

Swimming. The one word pretty much describes our summer - and we didn't even do swim team this year! Seven kids in swim lessons for 3 sessions, 2 Jr. Lifeguards, and swimming at one of three pools we frequent at least several afternoons a week.... Definitely a water loving family!

My three baby grandbabies

2010-07-26T19:26:00.003-07:00

Recent pictures of my three youngest grandchildren - Baby Ty (who is with his new adoptive parents now), Memuna (who is almost walking and so smiley), and Baby O (great laugh and the cutest "crawl" - we get to babysit sometimes and love it!). Three of the worlds' greatest blessings!

Which kids live at home? And who had a birthday?

2010-07-26T19:21:00.002-07:00

Here are all the kids who live at home right now, minus Ammeri who is off to the side having a fit on her mom's lap... They're all so big - no more little kids at home really.

The group picture was taken last week as everyone was leaving to a pizza party for these two - Abby turned 18 and Steven turned 17.

Back....

2010-07-26T19:16:00.002-07:00

Back to keeping track of our lives "out loud".... I promise nothing - that never seems to work out. But here I am again, anyway....

I'm posting this from a hotel room - got a couple days away just for my own self and my own thinking time - totally solo - rest, swimming, sleeping, a movie perhaps, and a ton of thinking and preparing for life, best as one can anyway. I wish everyone could figure out how to do this for themselves every once in a while!! I've only done this a couple of times before - every time, it's been so worth the sacrifices made in order to get it to happen.

I'll see if I can at least get some pictures up tonight...it's been a summer. Nothing majorly exciting - in either direction. The normalcy is delicious.

Helen's graduation

2010-06-04T18:09:00.004-07:00

Helen graduated from high school - a year and a half early! She's even been enrolled in college after finishing high school last winter. She's done this while living in her own apartment and working full-time plus. She's nothing, if not motivated, about her education. I am very proud of her - very proud.

Also awesome - those of you who've known us for a long time will be in awe with me - she called me to personally invite me to attend. I was floored ... and honored. (And almost missed it - it was the same night that Nikki got hurt - was taking forever to get the paramedics outta the house so I could leave....that, and I looked like a totally uncaring mother for trying to get out for a graduation -- but Nikki really was gonna be okay...and most people would have no idea what a monumental event it was for me to be able to attend HELEN's graduation!!!)

I truly love that girl. And, from a brief, yet intensely rewarding conversation that I'm not permitted to share, I know that she truly does know that I love her and have always....

Isnt she GORGEOUS?!?

A rock and some birthfamily thinking...

2010-05-29T17:47:00.003-07:00

Nikki got hurt the other day at the park. A kid was throwing rocks and one hit her in the head. It turned out to be only a tiny cut (less than 3/4" just past her hairline), but head wounds do bleed a LOT.

Some interesting things I noticed though - keeping in mind that Nikki is/has always been/probably always will be one of our most "odd" children (unique - many diagnoses, inc autism and FAS, and IQ issues - we may never know which have most affect or not...she's a daily puzzle for us all, including her own self!) - the rocks were being thrown by the obnoxious kid (not one of mine, for a change), he was throwing them for quite a while. She never moved out of the way.

As this blood is dripping down her head and face, then down her arm and onto her pants, the kids report that, not once, did she try to wipe the blood from her eyes or her skin. Think about that. Wouldn't that be irritating to feel the hot wetness slowly dripping on your face and not want to take your hand or fingers or a piece of your shirt to wipe it away? Why would she just sit and let it drip down?

Later, I tried asking her some questions. I got the same answer we always get with her, regardless of time of day or question type..."cuz". So, she remains a puzzle. But she did get washed up, an ice pack and some extra time to watch tv that night.... she seems just fine.

OH - no, I almost forgot. I came home that night, after she was sleeping, and found a note on my computer desk, left for me to mail. She'd written it to her birthmom. "Dear Mom V, I was thinking you haven't called me in a while. Tell my dad S hello And I got hit by a rock." She hasn't talked to her birthmom in a long while now (almost 2yrs?, and years before that) - and the birthparents aren't together, haven't been since I've had the girlie when she was around 2. Nikki has had no contact with him since then and I wouldn't know how to find him - but we do have an address for birthmom and she knows that we do. No one else is having birth family contact stuff going on. So, I'm not sure if her thinking about her birthmom was triggered by anything, or if it had anything to do with this rock hitting her head, or what.....just another interesting thing to think about in the ongoing puzzle of this girl. (I reminded her that we can't get in touch with birth dad. She said oh. I asked if she remembered why. "Cuz." Then she told me how she has a little birth sister. I said Yes, you do. Her name is S. Nikki says "Yeah, and I loved to play with her when we were little." My response: "Well, that would have been fun, I think. But, you lived with me in this family when you were little. She didn't get born until you were older. You did get to see her one time, remember I showed you the picture?" She said no. I told her she could look for it in her picture box. She said "Yeah, saw it." So....there ya go.) Cuz...

Erica talks about her liver

2010-05-29T17:43:00.000-07:00

Erica is over today, helping out...for now, sitting in my massage chair, talking nonstop about random stuff....

She just told me that she now likes sunflower sides, barbecue sauce, churchs' chicken, and koolaid.
She's pretty sure she got the liver of a fat black woman.

Makes me laugh....

Semi update for Suzanne ...

2010-05-25T08:16:00.001-07:00

Brand new photo of Memuna, who is living with her daddy for now.

Her grandma is a nutcase right now, but will update more soon. (Sorta kidding - lots of big life events, planned and unplanned. Grandma will screw her head on straight and be back "with it" in short enough order? lol...)

Baby O

2010-05-06T20:38:00.003-07:00

Getting to babysit Baby O on a full time basis now while his parents work and go to school. I'm proud of them for trying to make a life for themselves and not giving up in spite of hardships. Kate is even going to be graduating high school on time this month!! DEFINITELY getting my baby fixes with two infants in the house most of the time....my fixes, plus some -- I might be getting too old to be as good with babes as I once was? It's only been 6yrs since my "own" last baby.... But it's tons of fun right now, too. The other kids are having fun playing with the babes when they get home, too -- sure seems fun AND an easy excuse for why they can't possibly complete their chore or homework? haha...

Max suggested that Baby O looks like Martin Lawrence. I didn't see it until I did a google image search - lol - and now, he goes by several names here: O, baby O, Martin. (Kate calls him "Junior". We debated whether or not I can call any baby Junior -- I don't do that, several reasons. We reached this conclusion: "Well, mom, you can call him whatever you want then. I'm calling him Junior.....since that's what I named him." She has a good argument. :-)

Old Man Wilson

2010-05-05T22:33:00.002-07:00

Wilson got one year closer to his "old man" status this last weekend....Nicole seems happy enough about it? lol...

Well, today, I had enough energy for what I consider a "normal day" - very rare. (Soon appointment for another sleep study to try to figure this sleeping disorder/energy thing out. It's been years now, though, so I don't anticipate a "quick fix"....still, I'll take any improvement I can get!) Got a lot done....even with two infants and two homeschoolers in the house, among others!

Late afternoon, received information from a doctor's office - some potentially really bad news. Time - and more testing, of course - will tell. I've had a hard time not being really worried with this. I'm working hard to find a way to come to peace with understanding that my worry isn't going to change anything, and that things will happen okay and/or the way they are supposed to or something like that?!? It's going to be a concentrated effort to find that place, I'm thinking.

On the plus side, no suspensions or calls to the police today. Yay us!! :-)

Mari's blessing and loss

2010-05-04T22:25:00.002-07:00

Miss Mari looking pregnant and beautiful. I think these were taken about a week ago? She is still in Utah, with her amazing previous adoptive family having assumed adult guardianship of her, in order to ensure safe choices. She is doing well and we are so grateful for them, for being there for her now. Mari is doing well - she is working at a job now, and is having a healthy pregnancy. (She will continue to tell you of struggles. Lord knows Mari can find them! lol... But, she is doing so much better than she could have been at this point without the interventions she's been blessed with in recent months!!)

Sadly, the family unexpectedly lost their father this week. He is such a good man; I've always felt honored to know him. Tomorrow is the funeral. My heart is heavy for the family and their loss, particularly for the mother. She is a strong woman - yet she's been through so much loss the last few years...and my heart continues to be led most toward praying for her heart right now. "Family", know that we are praying for you here and hoping for peace in your hearts as you go through this struggle now and to come... Thank you for taking care of our beautiful miss Mari.

Grandma's getting some baby fixes, among other things

2010-04-29T22:39:00.002-07:00

This is Memuna....she and her mama are living back at my house for a little while. Needless to say, that fact skips over a WHOLE LOT of drama...and plops us all right back into more drama. Still, I'm glad to know that both of them are safe for now. She is a delightful, happy treasure.

Blogging is hard because my laptop was stolen. Along with ipod and two cameras. How shall we say.....ummm.....people who use drugs do not make good choices regarding stealing behaviors?? Mostly, I'm sad for the great loss of photos that can not be recovered. As far as blogging, I got one of the kids' homeschool computers working well enough that I hope to borrow it sometimes to update y'all....

Visited a kids birth family in TX. Wonder what I can possibly say about that without violating every confidentiality. (Also, without violating confidentiality, see above note. I wish I had my camera cards back...) What an insightful trip that taught me a lot and also sunk me into one of my deepest depressions ever. I'm coming up out now....but not without a lot of "sad/wiseness" that I sorta wish I'd never found.

One positive, that I hope to blog more about sometime, were some very tender conversations between the girls' birthmom and myself. Very precious moments from one mother to another mother, both loving the very same girls.

Abigail is moving back to TX this weekend. We've spent the last week and a half racing to finish things up with her school, medical/braces/psych/eyeglasses/medications coverages, papers/documents, etc. I think we've got things ready as they can be. I will miss her desperately. I am NOT good at my kids leaving from the nest, esp when they are going to fly far and I worry more for some than others. And yet it is time for her to be on her own. I spend most of whatever hope I have left in my heart at the moment to hope she finds a way to make happiness for herself in this life.

Helen turned 18. Freedom for us all. So sad to say; a bittersweet mixture of happy/sad to feel. She texted me right after and said she needed to ask a couple of paperwork questions and then "hoped to never talk to me again". Nice. Then, yesterday, she texted and invited me to her high school graduation ceremony. First, she asked what I was doing on that particular date....I answered, but figured it was just for her to find out so that she could take me to court for something. Isn't it sad that something like that would be my first thought? It was nice to be wrong. As far as I know, she continues to take college courses, work full time, and maintain in what is soon to be (as soon as we change the lease) her very own apartment. I have NO idea if she has friendships or relationships of any sort.

Rebecca just finished up a performance of "SMILE". She worked hard on it, many hours, many days. I got to see the very last performance. She did a fabulous job!! I'm so glad she got the opportunity to do more of what she loves.

Two darlings decided to try shoplifting. Got away with it. Then told on each other at home. Sadly, the store manager was NO HELP WHATSOEVER in assisting us with having the kids return items or have consequences. Ugh. So, then, another kid decides to try shoplifting. She got caught. I was so glad for the catching!! I get so tired of theives and those who feel entitled - when they turn out to be in my own house and family, I get fired up! So, Walmart caught the one girl - and she has to pay $100 fine to them in addition to the cost of item she stole ($1.47). It just occured to me that maybe ALL of my theiving children should be working to earn $100 -- they should have it on hand to pay fines for their dishonest activities, I think. Just in case. Just in case they steal....and just in case they're ever allowed in a store without being next to me again in this lifetime? Ugh. I seem to have fewer and fewer answers all the time.

Kate is letting me watch Baby O while she and big O go to school/work. I say "let" because our relationship has been strained since she left last summer. Things are definitely on the upswing. I love that I'm getting to know this little guy better.

I quit my job. Quickly realized that (#1) I hated it. I'm far more of a people person and less of a paperwork person, particularly in a job where people don't want me there (it was a census job, lol) - I figure I can be 'not wanted' in a lot of places....if i have to be at work many hours a week, it's just not an environment I'm gonna thrive in. AND (#2) My family is NOT ready for me to be gone at work full time. Maybe not even part time. So, we'll need to think of a different plan....

The divorce is finally final. 20yrs and 1month of marriage - ending in a 70min court hearing where we spent the time before a judge signing our initials next to monetary agreements made on paper. I continue to be truly devastated, but haven't given up trying to cope.

Miss Mari is still in UT with her first adoptive family. They worked hard for her benefit and were able to get legal guardianship of her based on mental abilities/fetal alcohol syndrome. They are amazing, wonderful, generous people. I found out today that the father, George, passed away completely unexpectedly. The family has gone thru recent deaths of two daughters. The passing of their father is devastating to them. It surely puts many of what I felt were trials into better perspective. Please pray for all in their family as they tread new waters, missing an amazing man and father.

Working on finishing up some homeschool/charter school assignments for Megan and Sarah....and then off to bed....

Las Vegas

2010-04-11T22:44:00.003-07:00

I spent a few days in Las Vegas last week with Angelique and Erica. It was a much appreciated time away from "real life" with two really fun daughters. Drama free -- except for the many calls from Steve, who stayed with the kids at home while I was gone (and the kids did their part to remind him how many issues they still have - yikes! And since Steve has been gone, his coping abilities for such fun have greatly diminished, requiring a lot of mom intervention while I was gone). Even so, we shopped, we played, we went to a Chippendale's show and the Price is Right, ate yummy food and saw several 'shows' of the Bellagio fountains (still my FAVORITE thing to see in Vegas, by far!)

Now tomorrow....back to the real world. AIMS testing for the kids again (state standardized tests). Tons of appointments, paperwork, things to do, even more trips to plan. The divorce will be final on Tuesday - maybe another post on my feelings about that - still a very difficult thing for me to deal with and to accept. Kids leave me little time to dwell on it too much....hopefully that can be a good thing.

Back to work for mom

2010-03-26T20:16:00.002-07:00

I went back to work this week, full time. I'm working for the Census Bureau. After the first week, I can admit this is not the work that I can fully put my heart into...it's just a job really. The first week, in spite of having good help for home/kids, is showing me that working away from home long-term, full-time isn't likely to be very feasible for this family. WAY too many therapies, appointments, meetings, school issues, and needs for mom at home, too. But we shall see how things play out....

Last weekend, in preparation for being a working professional (the legal kind), I pampered myself and got my feet done. Allie (picture), in belated celebration of her birthday, came along and got her nails painted on all four limbs - bright pink with glitter sparkles. She chose the glitter first, so I had to pick something more muted....darn.

As far as coworkers, I LOVE the variety. I'm a very laid-back coworker - I like to get the job done quickly, accurately, and with a nice dose of humor. There was one exception with a brief parking lot conversation - a coworker came and asked if it was true that I had 27 kids. I said that I do....I even clarified that they're not ALL adopted, just 24. :-) He leaned in and said "I don't mean to offend you, but..." (this means he is about to offend me) "...you DO know what causes this, right?!?" I stared at him for a second - and replied "Well, being that 24 of those kids are adopted, I'd say that what causes "this" is poor parenting by birth parents. *Right?!?*. He stared at me like he didn't understand. So I offered up another response "My exhusband says that what causes it is me turning on the internet or answering the phone to find out about the kids. Guess if I'm ever going to stop adopting children, I'll have to cut off my phone, huh? (hopefully this was a more lighthearded way that still got across the point that his question was dumb...and I wasn't in the mood for it...)

The kids are done making popcorn....we're going to snack and watch the Blind Side for movie night tonight....can't wait. Yay for downtime!

Fourth Anniversary

2010-03-22T23:15:00.002-07:00

Miss Abigail has been with us four years now.

I remember the first day she came, 13yrs old, not knowing fully what was going on in her life, with swollen puffy eyes from all her crying on the flight - how she lied in the airport, giving them a false last name, and they wouldn't allow me to pick her up since the last names didn't match. After we got that straightened out, we walked down to luggage - but the child "couldn't remember" what her bags looked like. The airline clerk and I looked for an hour, finally locating a giant, bright red back with a "Marlboro" banner on it - mmhmm, I"m sure she forgot what that might look like!! Obviously, testing me right from the start. We went to get food - she'd said she was hungry. We went to Dairy Queen...she waited until we were all ordering, to turn and walk back out the car. We left her there then and finished eating our food. But, when I got back in the car, I realized I'd smeared chocolate on a $5 - so I cleaned it off and left it on the center console to dry. When we got home, a whole 3 miles away, the money was missing.. The next morning, she gave it to me and asked me to put it on the money list for her!! (Sort of like a family bank account, where I hold the cash for you - lessening theiving potential on all sides...). Cracked me up...and let me know we were in for a ride with this girl.

And, it truly has been a roller coaster ride!!!! In spite of all the ups and downs, it has been - and continues to be - a real privelege to be this girl's mother. She still has some deep issuesl but has made a lot of progress as well. I love her so much...

Oh - and we went out for a nice dinner to celebrate, along with her birth sister, Angelique (and Angelique's boyfriend). Good food and good company. I enjoyed. As this next year brings her 18th birthday, I can't help but wonder where it will take her...and where it will take us. Best of luck, love and happy wishes to you, my sweet girl!!

Who's here??

2010-03-21T17:52:00.002-07:00

A bunch of the kids when we went out to a Chinese buffet for Megan's birthday last month...this includes all of the kids still living at home.

Someone commented that, with all the changes in our family over the last several months, an update on who still lives at home right now would be helpful....so here goes....

17 at home now, including myself

Angelique is here with her 3 kids (her 2 girls plus Daniel) -
so that leaves 12 of "my kids" -
Abigail (17)
Steven (16)
Rebecca (16)
Angelica (15)
Megan (15)
Nicole (13)
Nikki (13)
Sarah (12)
Vonetta (12)
Ashley (9)
Allie (8)
Larry (7)

Written all out like this, the list of us looks so small to me. A year ago, almost exactly, I brought home the 4 tiny grandkids - which brought us to 26+ people at home...10+ more people than now. A year is a short time for so many changes for us. While it's nice in some things to work with a smaller group on a day to day basis, I REALLY miss all of my "big kids"!

Larry celebrates birth

2010-03-21T17:10:00.004-07:00

Yet another birthday celebration at our house....
Larry thoroughly enjoyed everything about his annual celebration of birth....#7. He planned and plotted for weeks and reminded us all that it was about to be his birthday...and seemed happy enough with how we did it (which was the same way we always do...lol). The cupcake fight was a slight variation, however....but Ammeri seems quite happy enough about that in her picture! :-)

Seven out of 8 -- pretty good stuff!

2010-03-15T02:43:00.003-07:00

Allie turned 8 years old!! I told her it's pretty cool because I've gotten to know her on seven of her 8 birthdays now! She thought that was pretty cool, too. (She first came to me at 22mos old - so I was in time for birthday #2...)

Allie and I spent Friday all by ourselves shopping for her birthday gifts - it was fun to see what she picked out in the absence of all of her siblings who like to influence the choices to their benefit. Allie has a very generous spirit - sometimes it was hard to get her to select something SHE would like and not just using her gift selections to get something for others...we compromised by getting things that could be for everyone (she chose a movie for everyone, some candies for everyone, a game she could play with everyone) - but the clothes had to be just what SHE wanted to wear. She was so much fun. I'm glad we made the time for just the two of us to spend together.

(The pink she's wearing in the photo is a new super soft blanket - so soft she wrapped herself up in it and couldn't take it off all day. I totally understand. :-) She is all about pink....but EVERYONE, I think, is all about super soft!

Happy Birthday, Baby

2010-03-11T23:53:00.002-07:00

Elena had her long anticipated 18th birthday. Here she is, with her tiara and her 2mos old baby, getting ready to blow out her candle. I love both of these baby girls so much!!

Elena moved with her boyfriend right about the time that the baby was born. Things seemed to be going fairly well for them. Musa works hard to support his family. Elena is a fabulous, over-doting mother. Right up until that magical 18th birthday.

Exactly on the magical birthday, my girl went out...and right back to so many of her old ways. I'm disheartened and discouraged as I see the heartbreak it is bringing to her again and, again, to all those that love her. After some extremely difficult happenings yesterday, I sat with the boyfriend in my living room and listeneded as his voice broke trying not to cry. And, I felt such sadness for everyone. And, some guilt too that I can't quite describe - and certainly can't justify - yet, in the back of my brain, I somehow feel partly responsible for the pain she is bringing to others now -- as if I should have better warned them?

Without going into more details to try to protect some privacy, I should say I am not concerned for Memuna's safety at this point. I am concerned, however, for Elena and pray that she will be safe, that she will let us all know she is safe, and that she will have increasing emotional stability and health....and for Musa as he determines best for himself and family.

I really thought she'd made a more lasting change in her life. Perhaps she has and this is only a temporary setback. Time will tell....

Get up and Survive

2010-03-10T09:26:00.003-07:00

These have been my goals for the last several months as I go through my own struggles trying to redefine life, self and family - changing from what I thought it should be, what I had into what things are now. Granted, #2 - Survive has quite a bit under that heading with a family this size....

As I come up to adding a couple more items per day to my "to do" list, I've wanted to get more up-to-date on the blog, but not really knowing where to start - - updates, explanations, current happenings?? I still don't have a plan for that - but here I am and we'll see what happens next?....so in the words of Rebecca, at age 4, "You get what you get and you don't FITCH a PIT"...haha

20th Anniversary

2010-03-09T23:15:00.002-07:00

Today was our 20th wedding anniversary.
The divorce isn't yet final (almost).

I was worried today would be a big emotional rollercoaster.
It wasn't too bad though.
I did spend a lot of time thinking about how we were 20yrs ago - only 21 & 22yrs old with NO IDEA how our lives would turn out and the things to come our way over the next 20yrs. Naive little suckers. haha....

I had an idea to recognize (celebrate seems an odd word choice) the "20th anniverary of a marriage that is ending" - Steve liked the idea, too.
Over the last year, we've spent a LOT of time beating up ourselves - and each other - over all of the things we've done wrong in our marriage, with our children, with divorce.

I thought it would be nice to treat ourselves to a nice restaurant - and to talk about the things we've done RIGHT. We've been married a long time. We have raised/are raising 26 kids. We have 15 grandkids. I think it would be nice to take some time to honor all the good things we've done - at the very least, we both had really good intentions. It seems sort of a nice way to end the anniversaries...

We didn't go out today (Steve mixed up dates and thought our anniversary was tomorrow), but I hope we'll go soon. I'll let you know how this idea actually turns out...

Grownup kids

2010-01-28T22:21:00.002-07:00

No commentary today - just sharing recent pictures of some very loved adult daughters (birth sibs to each other) who were visiting. Never too old to need a momma talk....or should that be "momma is never too old to need to have the momma talk"?

They've been out only a number of months each - and oh, I miss having them home!! Going thru a lot of empty nest syndrome, in spite of having 13 kids still at home... Caroline and i met for dinner tonight and it was really good to see her - as much as I can is good for me!

Grandpa

2010-01-24T22:32:00.003-07:00

Sweet picture of grandfather and grandson (Baby O). But brings me to one of the ways that getting a divorce is impacting us and the family. We've always had a family tradition of a big family dinner on Sundays, for all of the family to come each week. We usually do our birthday celebrating on these Sundays as well as just regularly have a good time together, eating, talking, playing games.

So, now it's "my" house. I raise the kids in the house we've lived in. Steve lives in a different home. What do we do about family dinners, particularly since Steve and I are not always wanting to spend time in the same house together?? What we've decided to do is to suck it up - to continue this as a tradition for the family, all of us coming together each week. So, Steve comes over for dinner - and we either get along or pretend to get along - or we just visit kids in different rooms and try to make it as pleasant as possible for the kids and for us.

It sounds easier than it is. Sometimes it's really not easy at all. It's just something we choose to do anyway. Watching Steve hold the baby tonight - seeing him in a role as patriarch and grandfather that blesses himself, his kids, and these grandkids whose lives we get to share - reminds me of all of the reasons that it's important for, some weeks, a lot of lip biting.... Makes it easy to see that it's worth it the discomfort in order to bless the kids...

No longer a teen

2010-01-24T22:16:00.004-07:00

Tonight, we celebrated Vito's 20th birthday! I remember the day he came to our family, a much younger, more frail, boy of 11 (almost 12). We had an infant foster daughter at the same time - and my first photo of Vito is of him on the couch with Josey, both of them fast asleep - so sweet! A LOT has happened with him and with us since that time - ups and downs of pretty big proportions (police interventions, anger outbursts, runaways, many moves, we'd "lost him" in the system for a while - and then found him again in the strangest of circumstances, high school graduation and college attendance!)....and it was really neat to think about all of that and how it has helped us all become the family we are today.

I can't remember if I shared how Vito got his name in our family. If so, I apologize for the repeat. When he was to come to our house for foster care, they told us his name was Ryan. We already HAD a Ryan (1yr age difference). We figured we'd call them by their first AND middle names to avoid confusion. The Ryan we had would be Ryan Michael. The new Ryan would be Ryan _____ - turns out his middle name was also Michael! So, two middle schoolers named Ryan Michael. Now what?? Neither boy wanted to change, instead offering up only implausible solutions (i.e. Harry Potter as a name). Ryan #2 jokingly announced that we could call him Vito, after the Godfather. I balked at first - not really the idea I'd been going for - but a friend told me it was also Italian for "full of life" (I think that's what she said) -- and that DID capture him.....so Vito he became. It causes a little confusion for school meetings and phone calls - but other than that, he's just Vito to us....

Fun = new door

2010-01-23T00:41:00.003-07:00

Just a day....full, but of the not-so-noteworthy....but awesome, nonetheless....stuff life is made of.

ALL the kids got out the door on time this morning.
Larry's new meds seemed to help and he did NOT get any "step 4"s today.

While briefly checking myspace, I noted that one girl has put on a song with a very pornographic title. I do not need to listen to the words to know that she is on computer restriction - again (after only 2 days back on after the LAST restriction!)

Trip to the dentist because of severe pain in a wisdom tooth. Pain meds and another referral to oral surgeon. Thank you for a wonderful dentist office who works us in when needed, every time.

Deep clean and painting of bathroom.
Reorganization of "bowls cupboards" (tupperware n such).
Cleaned my room with awesome help.
Used some Costco coupons before they expired. (They usually expire before I remember I have them.)

Homeschool girls started a new art class - "Art for Homeschoolers". I asked how the other kiids were. Megan complained that they "all acted like homeschool kids". Since Megan IS a homeschool kid, I told her that I assumed she meant that she fit right in? She rolled her eyes at me. I suggested that, since it's the ONE class each week where they interact with people outside of the house, that they could probably make the most of it - but I can already tell they really like it.

Watched the movie My Sister's Keeper. Pretty good movie. Raised some interesting moral/ethical questions that the girls and I discussed. I'd be interested in watching it again with Erica - the kid in our family who actually did have a terminal illness - and then for us to all have that discussion again. I LOVE that my kids think - and share their thoughts even when we don't all agree.

Busy day tomorrow - Abby takes her SATs...and a bunch of kid start soccer again (IF it doesn't rain too much more tonight!!)....we also are ALL going to buy a new door for the bathroom!! I try to have fun things that we do as a family on Saturday - but those usually cost money somehow. The kids have DESTROYED a door upstairs - not the first time. They seem to NOT grasp the concept that this might also cost money. So....for our "fun thing" tomorrow, I'm going to have EVERYONE go to Home Depot to buy a new door and watch it be paid for with family funds that could have been used to do things that may have had a higher "fun quotient" than a door replacement. MAYBE? that will help some of them to start catching on? Probably not....but I keep trying. :-)

"I am telling the truth. I promise....."

2010-01-21T22:28:00.005-07:00

Working with Larry on some seriously increased impulsivity control issues again. He had an appointment with his psychiatrist this morning to discuss our concerns and come up with some plans. He didn't get to school until 1 and I was up there by 2:30, with his second "step 4 referral" of the day. (Step 4 is when the child has already received four other forms of discipline intervention - and now waits in the office for parent to come for a meeting.) TWO step 4s in less than two hours??? Wow...I hope some of our new ideas (like new meds, perhaps counseling, IEP changes, etc) help him get to a place where he's better able to manage his behavior!!

Even so, here's a fun conversation that took place in the school office today:

Larry, explaining to assistant principal why he's in trouble AGAIN today: "I'm mad because I'm hungry. I didn't get any lunch." Asst Principal feels bad and immediately opens her drawer to get him some snacks...

Mom, in discipline meeting with both of above: "Yes, you did get lunch, Larry. Dad took you out before he brought you back to school."

Larry: "No, I didn't. I don't remember it."

Mom: "Larry, enough. It's important that you work on telling the truth. You're getting in trouble a lot lately for not telling the truth, right?"

Larry: "I AM telling you the truth! I really didn't have lunch, not even any."

Assistant Principal, a few minutes later, hands Larry back a toy she confiscated from him earlier.

Mom: "Where did you get that toy?"

Larry: "In my kid meal when I went to lunch with dad today."

Ohhhhhhh.....I see.

Definitely working on truth telling.

Baby updates

2010-01-20T23:38:00.002-07:00

A very brief positive update....both babies are doing wonderfully - beautiful and healthy. Baby O is 10lbs now! Memuna tanks out at 11 chubbily kissable pounds. I spent an afternoon with her this week - she smiles now. If she hadn't won my heart before, those smiles sure did the job!! Can't wait to see Baby O soon... (pic is a month old already)

College!!

2010-01-20T23:20:00.003-07:00

In the last several months, Steve and I have spent a bit of time discussing our feelings of personal failure as parents....with us noticing, as the kids have grown, the many things we didn't seem to be able to teach them. All the reasons aside (another post perhaps), this is all to say that TODAY WAS DIFFERENT.

Today was an awesome day where we noticed successes for our kids.

FIVE of our children started college for the very first time today. Five. College. This is big, big stuff. (Two others also continuing their college education this semester - for a total of 7.)

It was a very awesome parenting realization to have, there at the Circle K fountain drink counter this morning...very nice. I am very, very awed and impressed with those kids of mine....and hope that this is a positive experience for all of them...

(Find x.....here it is. That's funny. I'm surprised I found it on the internet and not one of my kids' tests....)

Another birthday!

2010-01-08T23:09:00.002-07:00

Today was Ammeri's 3rd birthday. (Ammeri is Angelique's daughter - they came to live with us last July.) Above is the birthday girl during the singing....and below are some of the cake eaters after the singing.

Angelique had asked Ammeri what she wanted for her birthday.
Ammeri had 2 requests:
1) a new binky
2) an iPod

If this doesn't speak a big fat statement about kids in America, I don't know what does!

Her momma ended up opting for new shoes and some movies! (We gave her preschool games/toys - very grandma like of me. lol) The child hasn't had a binky in almost 2yrs, lol. And although her momma didn't want my opinion, I opposed anyway the iPod for a newly 3yr old - as well as the professional manicure and pedicure that was planned before the lunch date. OK, I was "pro lunch date" - just also pro-letting-kids-be-little-for-just-a-little-while. And then, I backed off and tried not to make decisions that aren't mine to make - and enjoyed a day with them. I surely love them - beautiful people, mom and kids, with strong spirits - I feel lucky to be theirs.

Larry's arms

2010-01-07T20:00:00.002-07:00

Wow, I hadn't realized how much time has passsed since last blog entry! Hoping to get back into the swing of life now, with holidays over and kids back to school....

Here's a photo taken last week when Heather was visiting with her kids. This is Larry, Dominic (Heather's boy) and Daniel. The three boys had great fun all week long - earning themselves the nickname "The Three Musketeers of Destruction". Any one of these boys could take a house down in minutes....the three together? My house had a better chance of survival if it were centered smack mid-path of a hurricane!

I've had lots of people write and ask me how Larry's arms are doing. I'll cut and paste here what I wrote last week about that:

How are Larry's arms?

Good. He can extend at the elbows on both arms - on the right arm (with the more severe injury), he keeps it bent unless he's trying to do something and then extends it; the opposite of a "normally limp arm" which is kept extended unless you purposefully bend it. He can bend all 10 of his fingers if he concentrates on them, but generally doesn't use the 3 far fingers on his right arm at all (middle, "ring", and pinky fingers). This makes it hard to write - he uses the 3 fingers to hold down the paper, but only the thumb and index finger to hold a pencil. He has no sensation in the right hand fingers - but is just now starting to get some pins & needles feelings in those first two fingers.,....enough to squirm and tell me he doesn't like it while I try to trim his fingernails. lol.

With loss of hand/finger use - and a corresponding (but not related) decrease in effectiveness of his ADHD meds, he doesn't take time to eat or feed himself and continues to lose weight. Down to 38lbws now (he's 6.5 - this is 2lbs less than he was at 4yrs old, and he's taller now and never was hefty!) - working on the weight concerns with his pediatrician.

How is the broken window? Well, Steve boarded it up until we could replace the window "soon". That soon has been 6mos....I'm still waiting for the part where the extra $3-400 shows up to get it done. We have a deductible on our homeowner's insurance - so this one will be a self pay. Soon....cuz it seems to look less attractive every day...:-)

Larry-isms

2009-12-23T00:26:00.003-07:00

Larry's talking with his birth mom here. I'm so glad we have the kind of relationship and situation that allows the kids (and her) to have phone calls and visits. (This photo is from a long time ago - before his arms were hurt, obviously. But they still have calls and visits...just last Sunday, visited for Christmas time...)

Larry continues to make me laugh a lot - sometimes it's just a smile, but he is smart and creative all the time. Here are two smiles from today:

Today, I was out shopping and kids were home with a sitter. I received a call from Larry. "Mom? Ashley called me names. So I called her names back. And hit her. Can she sit in a chair till you come home?" hmm....

We made a list of the Christmas cookies we want to bake. Most are "general holiday" baking fare. Larry wants to make Bakugan Christmas cookies. I told him they don't have Bakugan Christmas cookies. I made the mistake of leaving the room - so he hopped onto my laptop and quickly did a Google image search (I didn't even know he could use his fingers, much less Google something!). Less than a minute after I walked out of the room, he proved me wrong with a photo of some holiday atrocities. Now, Bakugan Christmas cookies ARE on the list - right beneath "peanut butter kiss cookies" and above "fudge"...uggh.

And a quiet note of Thanksgiving: another day here with no major crisis...we're becoming almost "normal"? Well, I wouldn't go that far...but a crisis free day is very appreciated!

Jesus wanted us to stop singing?

2009-12-21T21:15:00.002-07:00

All the stressful practicalities of Christmas are still here. I've done a lot of shopping, wrapping, food prep - but not all of it. As Christmas gets closer the stress gets higher - and the more I need to remember WHY I'm doing all that....and to be sure it's all worth it!

Yesterday, Steve's family had their holiday celebration together. It was a couple of hours away - and ALLLL of our kids went, including significant others, babies, etc. (Except 3 - Mari in UT, Abbie's in TX, and Helen...well, Helen.) I was impressed that all of our kids - esp those living on their own now - found the family event important enough to arrange schedules and finances to attend. I, on the other hand, stayed home in tears all day. Christmas things have always had HUUUUUUGGE family importance to me - since a college friend once pointed out, during an "abusive and alcoholic family of origin crisis" that, one day they would not rule my life, but that I could have my OWN family and create my own life, holidays, traditions, etc.....the idea held me through a lot of hard times. And, I do have that. But, since separating, this is the first REAL holiday celebration where he took all the kids - and I stayed home all alone. Since my friends are all my kids, I didn't even have anyone to call and chat with - evidence that I really do need to find a friend...lol. So the kids had a great time, they say. I spent the day in a giant, tear-infested, missing my kids, FUNK.

Heather (yeah, my kid) suggested that I make an extra effort in these next few days to do fun Christmas things with the kids - to "emotionally reclaim" my Christmas dreams. I think I can do that! So...today for fun....we cleaned!!! We actually did clean a lot - and worked on Christmas letters and finished up most of the shopping. Tonight was more fun - we drove around and looked at Christmas lights, sang carols - and came home to donuts and hot cocoa. It was REALLY nice....and definitely what I needed to "feel Christmas" with the kids.

Singing carols about the baby Jesus, Larry leaned forward in his van seat and said "Hey mom? Jesus will be really happier if you guys stop singing this song...." lol...

Allie received a guitar from her birth mom. She was being rough with it and Nicole told her to stop or it will break. "So? I'll just get another one from Jesus." Nicole replied "Jesus will NOT give you a second guitar." Allie "Well, He's in charge of Santa so He will tell Santa to get me one then." (Then, to be a true "teenager sister/little sister convo", Nicole told Allie that Santa is dead and really really not getting her a new guitar. So Allie came running to me with death issues....I redirected with more cocoa. lol)

Happy Birthday, Rebecca

2009-12-14T23:15:00.002-07:00

Rebecca turned 16 today! She is the middle of my "homemade" kids - so I've been her mom from before she'd like to remember - lol. For her birthday, she went to school....stayed late....then went to the library to prepare more for her huge "Iliad Debate" assignment, due tomorrow and worth 50% of her grade in a school that requires harder work and higher percentages for grades anyway. Then, she took a late bus...and another bus....and walked the rest of the way, getting home at 8:30 - in time to open her gifts (cell phone and shoes and boots - we always do 3 things to open on birthdays) - and work on her project until she fell asleep at the table. Happy Birthday!! :-)

She also had a party on Saturday - I'm pretty sure that was more fun?

In any case, I continue to be astounded at the speed with which my kids are growing up on me - without my permission even!

Christmas Prep and the new Grandbabies

2009-12-13T23:40:00.002-07:00

Heather's two oldest - growing up SO fast!

Last week gave me some time out.....well, a "forced vacation" I suppose you'd call it. In any case, I had some time to step back from daily duties - and a computer - and some time to re-evaluate and regroup. Much needed....and so, now I have returned to the real world with renewed energy for it all. Wish me luck! :-)

I was working on our Christmas letter - and think I'm going to end up with a MUCH shortened version from previous years. A brief letter - and a reference to the blog for those who want more. I got the idea from my cousin Karina who did that this year - ingenious. (The smart gene must run in the family? :-) Other than a letter, Christmas gift purchasing has me spinning - 27 kids, 15 grands, extended family - and the budget requires some abundant creativity with that!) I want to get it done in the next day or two - I have a hard time focusing on all the other parts of Christmas AND doing the purchasing at the same time....so I'm going to work super hard to get that done and move on to CELEBRATING!

Updates on the new babies:

Elena had big issues/problems with the epidural....she moved while it was being inserted - went into the spinal column instead and she's been having MAJOR headaches. Poor girl....I feel so bad for her. But she continues to amaze me with her devotion and feeling of responsibility with her little angel. For instance, she suffers through these headaches without her pain medication because she worries that she might be alone with her and perhaps drop her, etc. Even when it's "probably ok", she refuses to take ANY chances. This is a different Elena from a year ago, most certainly - I'm thrilled to be witness to the amazing changes.

Baby Memuna is doing well. She is having some problems because, just prior to birth, she passed meconium into the amniotic fluid and swalled some. She's having some feeding issues because of that - the doctors have Elen pumping breastmilk, adding rice cereal and using a bottle for now. Memuna is not loving this - definitely a fan of direct momma feedings instead. A couple of people have asked about her - she was given her name after her daddy's sister who has passed away. The middle name was after Elena's birth mother....however, they've since had it changed to Elena (baby's middle name now, after her momma). They thought Svetlana was too hard a name....

I have not seen much of Baby O, which makes me sad. However, Kate told me a week or so ago that he is over 6lbs now and doing well.

With these two angels, I now have 15 grandchildren - ranging in age from newborn-9. Seems the kids are on their way to honoring my wish for 100 grandkids! (I'm JUST KIDDING when I bug the kids about that - but the idea is kinda fun...)

New Grandbaby for me!

2009-12-05T06:54:00.002-07:00

Miss Memuna Svetlana finally decided to enter the world this morning at 5am. 7lbs13oz. Minutes old in this photo. What her mama wants the world to know about the labor/delivery is that she didn't tear..lol. I'm told this baby has dimples, too - I can't wait to meet her.

Weekend Plans

2009-12-04T00:46:00.002-07:00

So far, this weekend is looking to be awesome!!

Heather graduates from nursing school tomorrow (Friday)!

We plan to see Ryan performing in Sweeney Todd on Saturday. (as you can see, Erica's already been....)

And Elena is having her labor induced on Sunday!

I'm so excited about all it!

Thanksgiving

2009-11-26T22:33:00.003-07:00

Vito (19) holding his nephew, Baby O (1mo) today at Thanksgiving dinner....

Nice dinner - and we weren't missing anything from the shopping list except for the nutcracker to go with the giant traditional bowl of nuts. No worries. We learned that Angelica can crack nuts in her fist. She's a brute.

All the kids who live here were here....but many of our "biggers" came, too: Caroline, Bethany, Kate with Omar and baby O, Mari, Ryan, Max, Elena, and even Shawn and Helen. The 3 biggest girls weren't with us - which made me sad - but I shouldn't complain. For my first "real" holiday as a single mom, it wasn't as hard as I'd feared.

Elena did not go into labor and have her baby under the dinner table, as was feared....she's still waiting for that little girls' arrival.

Larry had a good Thanksgiving day - but was apparently overstimulated and is still WIDE AWAKE at almost 11 - asking to wrestle with Abigail's new tiny Lhasa Apso puppy. When told no, he asked if he could box with the dog instead. hmm....

Caroline's birthday

2009-11-23T21:09:00.002-07:00

Last week, I got to go out to lunch with JUST Erica and Caroline to celebrate their birthdays (Caroline turned 20!!). It was so much fun to spend time with them in a calm, mellow, lunch eating atmosphere...I'm so impressed with both of those girlies.

Caroline is living in a town - another suburb of Phoenix - but almost an hour away from us, so I don't see her nearly as often as I'd like to. She's a very caring, loving daughter though - and calls me almost every night to say goodnight. She got laid off from her job when business slowed - and landed another job the next day. She doesn't LOVE it - it's not as active as she'd like, but more of a desk job - but she's very grateful for the work. After being sideswiped by finding out she didn't get to travel with the Russia language program this fall, she's finally gotten things set up and is enrolled to start college courses in January. She's such a good kid.....still a privelege for me to be her momma!!

Also today, did a ton of grocery shopping for Thanksgiving week/weekend. Still not a fan of the "mass shop" trips.... Came home and accidentally fell asleep while laying across my bed reaching for the phone! lol. Two hours later, I got up - at least I have a life where a 2hr accidental nap can be accomodated even when it's not expected...lol. Pretty good.

Baby O

2009-11-22T21:24:00.002-07:00

Baby O is doing great. He had a few minor setbacks iin the hospital - but was able to go home with his parents on Wednesday, after exactly one month of living in the hospital. I wasn't permitted to see him for a couple of weeks (and was soooo sad about that), but yesterday Kate brought him over and I got to spend the afternoon with him. He's 5lbs4oz now, tiny and precious....here are a couple of photos:

National Adoption Day surprise

2009-11-22T00:10:00.004-07:00

Another hugely busy week....(and no baby yet for Elena!)....but some of the girls and I finished up our week by going to the movies together. Here is a picture at the beautiful lit tree in front of the theater - me, Mari, Angelique and Nicole. (We split up between New Moon and Precious.) Yes, most of my girls are pretty darn short.

Mari continues to live out of our home, but she does come to visit. She is pregnant now - due July 4th. I have many things to say about that....yet, will keep all to myself as we see what Mari does with this life event she has created for herself... I surely love this girl.

Saw Kate's baby today - even got to babysit him for a couple of hours. He's so tiny...soooo precious. Photos to come :-)

I got a beautiful bouquet of flowers today. One daughter brought them home and tossed them at me, saying "Here. xxx bought these for you." I thought it was a wonderful surprise, but didn't know what they were for....until MUCH later in the day when I discovered that xxx bought them for me for National Adoption Day today. How sweet!! That really touched my heart that she/they would think of it....

She made it! - a success story

2009-11-15T18:20:00.004-07:00

Elena is still pregnant - these are from today. She's 38 weeks, so isn't overdue or anything - but she's just one of the largest singleton pregnant mommas I've ever seen....doesn't even look "normal", esp not when you consider her very large DD chest looks tiny next to that baby belly....:-) (I'm sure she will appreciate my notation there...)

At our house, we "lost" another daughter this week. Elena moved out to try to make a life outside of our home for herself and baby (along with boyfriend/father of the baby). I wish them all the best and trust they will do just fine....at the same time, I"m missing her a LOT.

Looking back over my time as Elena's mom, there are SO many hills and valleys. Remembering the times of sorrow and worry, I realize more how blessed we are to have had these last several months of relatively "normal" mom/daughter experiences and living together. By "normal", that is - OF COURSE - with a heavy dose of our family perspective sprinkled around.

A few weeks ago, Elena tried to leave home again by starting fights, causing trouble and running away. Got her back home...and told her that I realized it was time for her to move on to her "own" life. But, this time, for the first time, I wanted her to do it right. Come home and then leave the right way. She could become empowered to overcome manynegative past experiences with just one positive experience here. She did. She came home. She mended things best she could from the trauma she'd caused. She planned, prepared, packed, and said goodbye to everyone. As many tears as I had as she walked out that door, I realize that mine were not only one kind of tears - there were tears of mourning over the time that has now passed with her as my "young" child, there were tears of fear for her uncertain future - for herself and for me (will I see her? will she remember to call me? etc). And, for this girl of mine, there were tears of joy. She did it!!! She really did it. For the first time ever in her life, she left the right way.

After all of the home and family moves this kid has had....after her childhood of abuse and orphanages...dealing with attachment disorder and fetal alcohol syndrome....and after all the life choices she made later (running away so often, involvement with police, POOR choices of friends and boyfriends, drugs/alcohol, prostitution, etc)....after all of that, this girl finally knows she really has a family. And she left her family in the right way, in a healthy way.

Today was also monumental. She came back. She walked through the front door, interacted and laughed, we ate, we hugged goodbye again. A few days ago, she moved out in the right way. And she came back today, in a healthy way. Now, she has one solid experience of how to be on your own and still have a family. And she can do it again. Part of a real family.

No matter what happens from here on out, this girl is a "success story".

In the biggest thing I had hoped for her - the understanding & acceptance of family relationships and love - my girl made it.

Strep throat still isn't fun

2009-11-10T08:48:00.002-07:00

This is not Nicole teaching or coaching basketball to a younger niece.....Nicole is way too competitive for that. She's really playing against her -- not sure who ended up winning. haha....

Missed my job interview - in exchange for a trip to urgent care because of having strep throat and the flu. I hope they are willing to reschedule the interview with me. I also hope that these antibiotics work quickly so I can have a drink of water soon?

Steven got arrested for domestic violence. Long story that I don't feel well enough to type. But I hope we find some way to reach him and get him to understand that he IS in control of himself and he DOES choose his responses and actions...

Homeschool girls went to the library this morning...I'm going to take the opportunity to get in an 8am nap...:-)

Missing the smiles and the messes

2009-11-08T15:18:00.003-07:00

These three little girls have left us for a while - headed back to Texas to see "the rest of their family". Who wouldn't miss these smiles?? But, oh! The messes! I *almost* miss those, too - but not quite. lol....

Our internet was out for a while - so wasn't able to blog to update on the thrills and chills around here......but, rest assured, life has not been without both.

Elena woke me up one night, thinking she was in labor. Something about it just didn't seem right to me (but, then, I've only birthed three - and been around for birthing of a couple more) - but the pains were intense and not going away. Better to be safe than sorry, I figured, so we went to the hospital. Even the OB ward thought it was labor. The part where she threw up all over my feet was the "least good" part of my evening (Katie did that before her labor, too - what gives?!?). Turns out she "only" had a double kidney infection and kidney stones. That's all. She was in the hospital for several days, but is home now. Still, baby has not yet made her grand debut.

Erica turned 26. A monumental birthday for her - and me. She and I have both felt, for many years, that she would not live past her 25th birthday to see age 26. When she was going through both transplants this summer (especially the first one), we both felt she would not survive and even said our goodbyes to each other. And here it was....#26. Happy Birthday girl!!

Angelique turned the big 21 - to realize that there isn't much different in your life between 20 and 21....haha. I got her some lottery scratch-off tickets to celebrate the "big day".

One child was in the hospital for psych concerns. As this child is very concerned about her privacy and not having that mentioned in the blog, I will leave it at that. Suffice it to say it was a verry stressful and challenging time for child and for me?

Dealing with CPS again. Another issue that I will leave with few details expressed here, as I think that the person who turned in the allegations might read here. In any case, aside from it being "yet another issue to deal with", I've been grateful that it wasn't worse than I thought it might be. Things certainly could have gone a lot of different ways, but the truth shone brightly.

Max is over today. I guess he took the ASVAB and got a pretty high score. He announced his intentions of joining the military. Honestly, if he could get in - and stay in longer than 2 days - I'd be THRILLED. It'd be perfect for him. After 9yrs as Max's mom, I am slightly skeptical of this being an actual successful plan for him? Hope he proves that to be wrong.... I'll keep you posted.

Divorce Crud continues. Steve is choosing to have guardianships overturned so that he will not technically be father to those children - and thus, not have to pay child support. This affects 3 children very specifically. Two are pretending they don't care - but they do. One is outwardly devastated that she is being denied in this way, and for money. I will argue this point - for the kids' knowledge, stability, and mental health moreso than any finances.

Abigail is registering for college courses.

Sarah is dying her hair dark brown.

Angelica forgot to wear a shirt to school Friday - again! She wore a zippered hooded sweatshirt - but nothing underneath. Ugh.

Steven lacks understanding to grasp why he has to stay by me for supervision purposes, after leaving for several HOURS Friday night, choosing to walk to a party that I said he couldn't go to....miles away, got lost, didn't call. He really doesn't seem to get it. I mean, he eventually got home, right? And, even though police were involved, he didn't NEED their help, right? But somehow, he posseses enough thought/rationale to figure out how to sneak out? Schizophrenia and thought disorder are a difficult thing. He's calm and focuses again right now - and pleasant as can be. But he still needs to be near someone for safety...."just in case"

Larry is working out a new combo of ADHD meds. The school hopes we all figure that out soon.

I have a job interview tomorrow - for my old job. I'd LOVE to have it back!!

Ashley asked if she could call her birth mom today - and I remembered how glad I am that we have such open relationships with "our" birth families...even in the "bad cases", it's a good thing for us.

Someone just stepped on a melted green Otter Pop that was on the stairs (??). Popped it and green liquid is on several stairs now. Did I say I was missing Ammeri/Alexis/Christina's messes?? They're not even here now - but I'm taking that back! lol. I do, however, miss their smiles and their hugs....

Trick or Treat

2009-11-01T10:15:00.002-07:00

A group of us ready for a church party this last week...that's Sarah in the back with the dark green face paint - Miss Tall 12yr old now holds the title of Tallest in the Family...

Baby updates

2009-10-30T10:28:00.002-07:00

Katie went into premature labor at 30wks. At the hospital, they were able to slow contractions and administer prednisone shots to build up the baby's lungs. They hoped to wait two days - and she went about exactly that long. Baby Omar was born a week ago, healthier than anyone expected. He was 3lbs6oz and breathes on his own (unless he's taking the pacifier he likes - can't seem to figure out how to suck with mouth and breathe with nose at the same time...) This picture is the first time that Katie held her baby...

Elena the huge at 35weeks. Still waiting uncomfortably for baby's arrival - only, as of the middle of last night, she's now waiting in the hospital. Double kidney infection and infrequent, but intense contractions - they want to keep her there for now to monitor everything....but baby seems super healthy...big....can come when she wants now and Elena can't wait.

Lose/lose?

2009-10-28T13:56:00.002-07:00

I haven't blogged for a while. There are a couple of big reasons. One is that much of my life is busy with divorce and divorce issues - which didn't seem like anyone would really want to hear about. The second big reason is that we have some birth family members of some of our adopted children who have found the blog - and showed up, announced, to reclaim our shared child.

People, we have a phone. I don't keep birth families from my kids. Even in very difficult situations, parents are ALWAYS allowed to keep contact and communicate with me about them. But call first? Give us a heads up?

In truth, much of the reason I even keep the blog is to more easily keep the kids' birth families and previous families updated on what's going on for the child and for our family. However, the trauma that some kids had from unannounced attempts to reclaim is pretty big - and led me to reconsider blogging for a while.

So - how did that work out?? Now, it seems that some are questioning "what's really going on" in our home and what we are trying to hide. Because I used to blog daily and now blog rarely, some assume that there is something I'm hiding. Can't win for losing - lose if I blog, lose if I don't. So might as well blog. Aside from shielding you from my divorce crud...and some time to consider the birth family invasion issue...all is really pretty good here!

So.....look forward to more updates and news from our house! :-)

No news is good news? Some, not all though....

2009-10-15T12:29:00.002-07:00

Too much going on to update right now - with too little time.... I will try to catch up with things soon! In the meantime, here's a darling photo to hold you over. My daughter Nicole fell asleep while holding my granddaughter...aren't they just the sweetest?!? While they sleep anyway? :-)