Court Update

Back from court.
Well, that was astonishingly surreal. And wrong.
Details of case are included here - if any don't want to read, stop here.

The neglect charge, now conviction, now has a stipulation of "based on the behaviors of the child",
with the neglect being that we can't keep him safe here without treatment.
That's fine.
We contested before this and were headed to jury trial. Then, "they" agreed to this stipulation, so I was willing to accept that. It's true - he can't come home without treatment, based on his own behaviors and not on anything that we did. If that's neglect, ok then.
That's not even the wrong part.

The wrong part...part #1.
Child offender's attorney argued that child not be charged with anything because, after all, he was a victim too (citing pre-age 6 abuse that he's been in years of treatment over). Attorney also requested an order that child not discuss the matter with ANYONE - most especially in any form of therapy or with police (but also including family, group home, support groups, treatment of any sort, ANYONE).
I guess my shaking head was noticed as judge requested my input - among others, I wanted to explain that Child Offender has schizophrenia and a serious thought disorder....therefore, I now understand why he's been telling everyone that nothing happened (kids all still go to school together). For him "don't talk about this at all" = "nothing ever happened". That's how his brain sees absolutes, concrete and then limiting to all or nothing. If he can't accept what happened, how can he process, move forward, and hope to not re-offend in the future??
But gosh, seems like that doesn't matter.
Because the judge actually ordered those things.
Now, you see, my Child Offender son has been PROHIBITED, BANNED, ORDERED NOT TO receive therapy for being a victim OR an offender OR anything else.

Oh...why? Because he might disclose in one of these discussions, that he's offended more than once (we have several victims who've disclosed this - but only in last few months, AFTER attorney requested this ban - therefore inadmissable?? wth??). If he discloses now, a mandated reporter would have to report it to law authorities. At 17yrs old, he could be arrested and serve jail time and have it be on his permanent record! Oh my!!!! Even the judge openly discussed that she didn't want this to happen.

Am I the only person that is far less concerned about this child's permanent record or potential jail time - and concerned about him getting help??? Or concerned for the possible persons that he likely WILL harm in the future??

You know those Dateline type tv shows where they discuss an offender who had "signs in his childhood pointing toward" his adult crime? They always wonder why the parents didn't get him help? I wonder how many of those parents sat in courtrooms like we did today, baffled that the legal system that we turned to for helping our abused and abusing children was actually allowing the parents to be called abusers and having it ordered that the child never receive a bit of help.

OK....super ridiculous part #2:
Offender Child turns 18 this summer. He can then sign himself back into foster care until age 21. At this point, through Arizona Young Adult Program, he will be eligible for free housing/apartment, free college, and other living expenses. Honestly, I think it's a decent program. No complaints there.

However, when he went into placement here, our adoption subsidy funds were moved from us back to the state to cover his care. (Interesting that we're still being asked to provide for all of his needs, to the tune of several hundred per month. We could refuse - but we don't. Because the truth is, we have the right to refuse - and they still have the right to take our kids, having an open case - we're trying to just not rock the boat. So we pay.) So, that's all well and good. BUT, when he's 18, his subsidy eligibility ends and the state will not receive the subsidy (it's own money anyway, but...) - and we, lucky parents, will then be asked to pay child support for this child - several hundred dollars per month, until he leaves the program or turns 21. The kid will be 18, getting NO help, getting thousands in freebies, and we get to pay a bunch for this privelege.

Sadly, when he becomes a repeat rapist or offender, I will be first in line to say to the state "I told you so"....and beyond grieving for the victim, because maybe, just maybe, it could have been prevented. We'll never know.

I'm really sick to my stomach over all of it.

And then I come home to a Victim child who has written in sharpie all over the bunkbeds - "MY BED ONLY! STAY OFF MEAN GUYS!" I will keep fighting - but where, who. At least this kid gets awesome therapy and is NOT prevented from talking about problems. Maybe ONE kid won't turn into eventual offender? I don't know....I had prayed so for the above child. I pray...but my faith doesn't seem to be increasing.....

Hanging out in my house, the child abusing mom and her 12 awesome kids. Writing my blog. Reading email from an adult daughter who has put us thru the wringer perhaps more than any other - with another apology and expression of love - and my wry smile just isn't quite sure what to tell her anymore either....

Oh - and had a decent "girl argument" with the CPS worker when we left as well. Girl arguments are where you pretend to talk really sweetly and, to outsiders (or Steve, who was listening) it may seem as if you're getting along - but you're really, really, really not. lol. I WILL be appealing the CPS decisions.....which are ENTIRELY separate, and have NOTHING to do with, legal decisions........but CPS decisions are the ones that most affect your future abilities to work in the schools with your kids, coach your daughters team, or possibly - which were my career aspirations - become a teacher or therapist or adoption advocate. Funny. Huh? Anyway....when Steve figured out we weren't getting along after all, and Worker Lady drove away, he said "So, you got your balls back!" Yep....I think I'm finding a set...gotta re-learn how to use 'em right maybe...