Almost my turn to go to court.....

Some of the girls "working potatoes" on Thanksgiving (we peeled, cooked, and ate over 50lbs!) Even the two littlest girls here pitched in.

Had an appointment with my court-appointed attorney for Max's situation. I am set to go to court this week to accept my charges for having him in foster care due to his severe behavior and safety issues. Notice I said to "accept my charges" - not to see what they are or to dispute them. I discussed with the attorney what I already had researched and known to be true - that, in my state, a parent is charged with abandonment and neglect when an ADOPTED child is placed into foster care. Not a birth child though....ugh. Like the attorney said - Our system is designed to help parents who beat up their kids.....not parents who get beat up BY their kids. So, I am scheduled to go to court later this week to "stipulate to my charges" - in order to keep my family safe and to get help for a boy who came to us hurt. Who came to us abused. Who had three previous adoptions disrupted and returned to the system and we dared to love and help. I am willing to do this - because it's what I have to do to help all of my family - yet, I admit to some resentment about being legally labelled a "child offender". I didn't ever do anything but try to help my kids, and others who aren't mine - "child offender" is not the tag I strove for.

Talked to Erica today. Told her I'd LOVE to go back to work part time. My problem is I only really want to do what I was recently doing - working with families of disturbed children and working for children who need families. Believe it or not, and although *I* don't want more children and not even sure I'd do it all over again, helping the families who do choose this is still my passion. My problem?? I'm gonna get another job doing that kind of work? As a "child offender"? How does a company hire a child offender to do work with children? See? Not possible. Erica thought for a while - and then said "Mom, don't let labels hold you back." I laughed so hard, I got tears in my eyes.....ironic laughter, but a nice good laugh nonetheless.

At his current placement, they are "on" to Max. They already "get" how he works. It is really very sad - and also validating for us. He does the same for them as he does here. He has earned no priveleges there. He is set to go to court, I believe, on theft charges (stealing gum from convenience store - he's done for years; we just never could "get him caught"). Same Max as always; no changes whatsoever. In spite of it, we had a great visit with him here for the day on Thanksgiving. Everyone got along. The kids wrote a big "welcome back Max" sign to put up. He followed the rules and even asked to help (I know he was told to - but so? He DID it, is the point.). He asked if he started listening at his placement could he be home by Christmas. Umm.....Max, you've been there 7 weeks already and you've listened to NO rule whatsoever. Instead, you have court hearings and got kicked out of school. You're not exactly on a quick road to success. Instead, if you start listening, you could VISIT home by Christmas.... It's hard to have to tell him what I don't want to be true - but it's not up to me....HE chooses this path now. Where he wants to be really is still up to him and he will show us where that is. (As far as the court charges, he asked about those and I explained what that will mean for us - such as not being allowed in the other kids' schools or for field trips or to parent teacher conferences or concerts or work with church youth, etc. He has known me long enough to know that this is a big deal. He acknowledged it with moments of silence - followed by asking if those charges will go away when he comes back? Nope, son. They sure won't. They're mine now. Labels, tags, weird stuff this life sometimes offers...)